How to lower expectations for a film in 1 easy step

http://www.miamipoetryreview.com/2008/08/warren_watches_the_watchmen.html

Alright first and foremost - (I'm about to lose more geek points then the Financial sector once I admit this) I have not read The Watchmen. So, let's get the jeers out of the way first.

If you don't know what The Watchmen is, it is a graphic novel written by Alan Moore. It's believe it or not, on Time magazines (and other's) Top 100 list of the best novels of the 20th century. You may not have any respect for time magazine (I don't) but the list is serious stuff (Like Blood Merridian, Snowcrash and Slaughterhouse 5) and "word on the streetz be" that The Watchmen definitely belongs there.

http://www.time.com/time/2005/100books/the_complete_list.html

Here's a little synopsis from the article:

"Watchmen was not only a critical and commercial success--it had the distinct honor of being the only comic book story to win a Hugo Award or to be named as one of the 20th century's Best Novels by Time Magazine--its unique tone began to influence much of contemporary or "pop" entertainment in general."


OKay - so enough pop-culture hero worship on my part. What's this post all about. Well, apparently the Watchmen will be a movie this year directed by Zach Snyder (The 300) and Moore has completely detached himslef from the project. W00t. Yes - I quote:

"What has been unpredictable however, is just how aggressively Moore has distanced himself from the upcoming project. He is demanding that his name be removed and that all royalties are given to artist Dave Gibbons. Moore told reporters that he would not even watch Snyder's interpretation, just as he wasn't planning on watching Terry Gilliam's original remake. Gilliam by the way dropped out of the project, agreeing with Moore that the source material was unfilmable."

And so, to be fair - Can you blame this guy? The 300 sucked a monkey dick. Do you really want Zack Snyder directing something the original author feels is unfilmable? Hi, aren't te good films where the auther is involved in the screenplay?

And Yes....the average moron xbox360 fan boys will call me "gay" online when I tell them that the 300 was basically a homoerotic dance through campy violence, overly dramatized still shots, crappy narration and half naked men that was best digested in the form of its trailer. To which I will reply "u just like movies with lots of abs".

Um, Hi, "Braveheart" is over, it's never coming back, even if Nine-Inch-Nails does your f-ing trailer. ....and truthfully anyone with half a brain knows the 300 did suck and that Zack Snyder is not Chris Nolan. Did the producers of the Watchment maybe step out for Xerces as the six foot 10 guy with mascara who was filmed at an odd camera angles making him look like skeletons from Jason and the Argonauts? They may have possibly missed the "big scary deep voice effect" that was utterly commical and sounded like someone pissed into their speak and spell and then had it go to a bunch of parties in downtown chelsea. So, it was neato sure...but as a film and as a whole it sucked. (see my post on the 300 which I did at my first showing).

Okay, so I don't love Zack Synder. But it's not his fault, it's fucking hollywood. Lets just summarize for a moment: Hollywood has taken - arguably the greatest piece of comic litterature of all time - given it to Zach Snyder. And then...pisses off the original visionary so BADLY that he publicly refuses payment. hmm, How can I alienate my existing fanbase...let me think. Let me think. Oh wait.

Ayfsm?

(That's short for: Are you fucking shitting me?)

Good job hollywood. Here's looking forward to another transforming mountain dew soda machine in Transformers 2. I'm know I'm pumped.

While we're at it why don't we re-write the end of No Country For Old Men so that Llewelyn Moss gets away with the money and uses it to start a midget brothel in las vegas. Then we'll give it to the guy who directed American Pie to film and drive to Cormac McCarthy's house to kick him in the fucking nuts.

I hate the movies.

Oh - and superman the movie sucked.

Thanks to Chris for the link. (You made the blog man!)