Wednesday, December 16, 2009

How to make a c++/native/dll plugin for FireFox/Safari/Opera on windows

I'm posting this here because the documentation elsewhere is so utterly and completely god awful and out of date that it is my responsibility as a human being to post something that has a vague chance of being googled and found.

First - don't use XPCOM. For whatever reason the XPCOM documentation is better and easier to find the NPAPI but XPCOM is not the way to go. With NPAPI one dll will work in all browsers (opera, firefox, safari etc). It might work with Chrome, I'm waiting on that result. This WILL work on Chrome (Yay!!!)/

Next - read this.

Next - go here, get this guys code, thank him profusely.

Next - Get the latest Gecko/XULRunner SDK

Next - Avoid at any cost downloading the Mozilla NPAPI samples. They're old, the don't work with the latest gecko sdk.

Next - Modify this code accordingly.

Last - When you've finished coding your interface use this method to deploy. You'll notice that you can also just drop the plugin into the Plugins folder for the browser and it will get loaded automatically - but Chrome doesn't work this way (still looking into that) (Chrome does - but see below for details). But in theory - if you're really building a business based on a plugin - your best bet is to do a Google Desktop style installer and install NPAPI + ActiveX all in one shot via an MSI. If you do that - then this registry entry is much easier then multiple web deployments (IMHO). Ie - you have one signed MSI package instead of a multiple CABs, XPIs and whatever hell else crazy web deployment nonsense is floating around out there. Of course - msi is windows only. You'll have to figure something out for Mac and *nix, we haven't gotten this far in our thinking yet ;).

The resulting plugin and deployment will work in all browsers save for IE. For IE make an activex control and deploy with the same MSI. The activex docs on MSDN have been maintained and for this my heroic posting is unneeded because MSDN is a gift from god bestowed upon his technology children. (You may not like Microsoft - but you cannot argue that MSDN is an amazing thing.)

Chrome supports NPAPI - specifically within the framework of it's extensions - but, the verdict is still out on whether or not the above deployment will work. Ie, not sure of you can just drop it in the plugin folder or register it to MozillaPlugins.. Edit: Chrome supports NPAPI as seamlessly as the other browsers.

Last++ - pray daily for a wildly accepted native client.

Anyway - hope this helps someone searching.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

1 in 8

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/29/us/29foodstamps.html?_r=1&hp=&pagewanted=all

Friday, December 11, 2009

Cool.

http://digg.com/dialogg/Peter_Jackson_1

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Finance Stuff I've Been Reading

I usually tweet these, but until I link those into this blog here they are:

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601110&sid=aWR6YjdVs0s4
about 14 hours ago from web

http://www.zerohedge.com/article/next-shoes-drop-commerial-real-estate-part-1
about 15 hours ago from web

Reading: Gold vs. the Dollar: Paper Still Beats Rock http://seekingalpha.com/a/3so9
about 15 hours ago from web

Reading: Datamining Some Market Crashes http://seekingalpha.com/a/3spf
about 15 hours ago from web

Reading: 2008 Repeat: Get Ready for Another Round of Deflation http://seekingalpha.com/a/3shw
10:21 AM Dec 7th from web

Reading: http://seekingalpha.com/a/3sbe
8:34 AM Dec 7th from web

Using APIs worth the risk?

The lazy coder in me loves web apis. The hacker in me hates them. Using a site's API is an easier way to get at its data, saving you the hassle of crawling and parsing them (which can be impossible to maintain over time depending on what you're doing).

But if you're using 3rd party APIs to get at data what do you do when someone like MySpace pulls a total douche bag move and closes the API without telling you, leaving your service horribly stranded?

http://tinyurl.com/ycjrb9j

You lose is what you do. I definitely feel for these guys. I hope MySpace does the right thing and returns service and/or compensates them.

Phone Envy Begins to Mount:

I want flash and silverlight on my iphone!

http://tinyurl.com/yakqttf

Monday, December 07, 2009

Potential?

http://ncrawler.codeplex.com/documentation

:(

http://seekingalpha.com/article/176900-2008-repeat-get-ready-for-another-round-of-deflation?source=kizur

Bag Monsters...?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PH6xCT2aTSo

Monday, November 23, 2009

Oh Rupert

This is a pretty interesting conversation that's been buzzing about lately which as far as I can tell is mostly fueled by techcrunch. But the idea is that in order to make some statement or force google into sharing ad revs Rupert Murdoch could pull WSJ.com and whatever other media sites he owns from the google index. From there, MSFT steps up and speculation abounds about whether or not they could buy the content for the Bing index from Murdoch.

The question becomes, how much traffic would Murdoch lose if he pulled? How would his advertiser react? As someone who used to meta search google until he was turned off it has always annoyed me that the google index isn't more open in one form or another. I mean they are in one way shape or form monetizing the content of other companies. But they obviously layer a valuable service onto this (most of the content they monetize wouldn't be found without google).

I imagine wsj.com readers to some extent are wsj.com readers and not users of google news. Another note - there aren't a whole heck of a lot of ads on the google news page. I'm not sure how they make $$ here but I imagine they don't and it's just portal value driving people to the main search.

Two big questions stand out in my mind, which I don't have time to speculate on right now -

1) What would the cost really be for Bing to get "full rights" to Murdoch's empire?
2) Why does Murdoch dislike google so much when they obviously have to be driving him some level of traffic (maybe because they juxtapose news providers against competing services, I don't know)? I didn't catch his first statements :(.

More to follow.

Paul Carr on Advertising and Twitter

This guy is awesome.

Friday, November 20, 2009

How to turn your best customers into your worst pirates

I moved from stealing media on P2P networks to iTunes a long time ago. It wasn't a choice driven out of moral obligation, pity for artists or fear of law suits. It was simply the amount of time it was taking me to find quality goods on P2P and torrents, converting those goods to formats I wanted was outweighing the .99c I would spend for the convenience of iTunes. It really happened around the time I wanted a DJ Shadow release and the P2Ps were swarmed with crap copies around the release and I just got tired of dealing with that. That was few years ago and I've been used to paying for media since. I haven't much of an issue paying for media on the closed systems I use (Xbox, IPhone etc).

So, the music/film/software industry had me, a loyal customer based on 1 fact and 1 fact alone - laziness. It took me longer to get pirated goods then it did to get real ones. Not much longer, mind you, just a few minutes in most cases. But the instant gratification supplied by legit channels won me over. Now, note - I've a developer. Not only that, I'm a developer that writes DRM systems. If I don't want to pay for it, I won't and what ever security you employ will not stop me. The most you'll get is a window of time it takes me to take it apart and give it to everyone else.

So recently, this was all undone. Undone by what I can only perceive as short-sightedness on the part of media companies with whatever licensing practices they are employing to try to keep me buying DVDs...but I don't know for sure.

It went down like this - I recently joined a gym. It occurred to me shortly after joining the gym and spending 10 very boring minutes on a tread mill watching the crappy tv they had available that sitting next to me was a key to making this completely droll activity bearable. My iPhone.

So, the next time I went to the Gym, before I went I downloaded a rental of Drag Me To Hell (amusing movie btw) to my phone for $3.99 and set off. When I played it, iTunes basically told me I had 24 hours to watch the movie.

Then I thought, well, this movie is 90 minutes long. I'll watch half now on the treadmill and then I'll finish it off tomorrow on the tread mill again. I do this and instantly 45 minutes of repetitive, mind-numbing plodding on a rolling piece rubbery mid-evil torture goes by without me noticing. I conclude victory.

The next day, it's getting about that time to leave my place of business and hit the 24 hour ultra-sport by my office. It's then a few customers ping me with questions and 6 turns into 7 turns into 8. No big, that is until I look at my phone and there is a big message "You copy of Drag Me To Hell has expired.". Drat - 24 hours have passed. So essentially this little piece of metal, glass and platic was dictating my life to me. I had to watch the movie in one sitting or I had to very specifically plan my life around it to avoid expiration.

Or, I could tell it to hit the highway and pirate it. I think on this. I frown.

I frown because I really would like to be legit user. But I'm also not going to pay for this f-ing movie again. (I am now also completely unable to bear any time jogging without a movie after tasting the sweet, sweet nectar of movie aided running. So this is a dire emergency).

I decide before I go total-pirate maybe I'll see what my other options are. I look through the selection of stuff and I see "The Goods", a movie I wanted to catch but the shitty rating prohibited my fiscal sense from paying 20 bucks for it in theater.

I go to rent it, and I notice - I cannot rent it. I can only buy it for $14.00, rental is not available. While buying it would give me unfettered access, I sincerely doubt the rewatch value of the film and decide f-that. I rent "Land Of the Lost" instead because now I'm set on a comedy but only to get me through this particular run.

While I run, I brood on the fact that iTunes is for suckers and they've lured me into fat, dopey, weakness and then tried to slap me with draconian media rights practices and for this they will pay. I just want to watch the rest of my movie. Just once. Fuckers.

I get home and it takes me all of an hour to re-outfit my computer with the stuff I need to never pay for another movie again and convert them all to iPhone format. I am free and I am happy and I will watch when and where I please. I write a script to automate [insert non-incriminating fileshare/filesearch of choice here] to continually search for films I want to watch and to look for specific attributes I consider indicative of quality shares.

And now I will watch on my PC, my Xbox (thanks media center) and my iPhone and now that I've regressed I'll probably never pay again. To be fair, I'm probably now actively contributing to the problem.

But even with this agent in place, I know I'll get some crap and it annoys me. I would much rather pay three dollars and have the DRM key off of how much of the film I've completed. This annoys me more. I make a note to add this to our system.

The moral of this story is - DRM is a losing game. Unfortunately, information wants to be free and he who controls the view port (regardless of what tactics you employ) controls the content you send and in an age where we're all connected in decentralized web, content will leak. The only win you really have with content today is indulging the customers impulse purchasing and giving them the most flexible and fair access you can. The 99 cent songs that I can play all I want wins. The $3 rental that I can't take with me and watch in parts does not. Customers need to feel unfettered. You want to keep your honest customers honest, and feeling unrestricted within the bounds of your restrictions.





Unfortuntely, I think we still need DRM, but that's a longer post.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Crazy Monkey Shoes?

Funny TC article about Sergey Brin wearing Vibram Five Fingers

Monday, November 16, 2009

Stole + Crash Landed A Plane?

That he taught himself to fly using a flight sim?

This kid is my new hero

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Google rewriting HTTP?

http://www.webmonkey.com/blog/Move_Over__HTTPDOT_Say__Hello_World__to_SPDY

I have some mixed feeling on this. Part of me thinks that if they did this AND

it really was 2 times as fast as HTTP, especially for rich services like google maps -

AND

google did get significant traction with Android (which it will)

AND

Android and Chrome teams decided to play nicely together

AND

Developing for SPDY was as easy as it is now to develop for HTTP

AND

SPDY servers were as easily available as say Apache

AND

We assume browsers on Android and Chrome would support both (for a time)


Then in theory - once you realized that whatever web app you were building really was going to be twice as fast with SPDY, you might go out and grab a server for it. But there is no way they'll budge IE.

Friday, November 06, 2009

TC - Rave reviews for Droid

http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/11/06/fever-pitch-its-droid-day-enjoy-the-moment/

Hmmm. Love of your life? Or coke addicted stripper?

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Boom - I'm back. Today' lets talk about: 5 hour energy

What the fuck is up with five hour energy? Is it me or do these little critters look like a caffeine suppositories baked up by the same guys who started that Richard Gere rumor? Poor Richard.

I can picture the Little Britian USA guys at the gym cracking them open and being like "No carbs bro!" then waddling around with the bull-legged, back-leaning, I really need to take a shit walk, asking each other "Are you pumped yet bro?" "Yo I'm pumped, I have 5 hours of energy in my ass..." "Yo, I think it fell out."

Tagline: Advanced 5 Hour Energy Direct - the fastest acting 5 hour energy yet.

Okay no, but in all seriousness, I had a conversation with someone who was trying to convince me that the reason 5 hour energy was so "amazing" and attention worthy because it was an energy drink with no carbs. So, wtf is diet redbull then? And Um, wait, have you ever heard of a diet soda? Or hmmm, unsweetened coffee. Caffeine without additional sugar...no carbs...woa...wisdom....we need to patent this. Um, seriously last I checked, energy drink = high caffeine shitting tasting soda. So now we're boiling that down to high caffeine shitty tasting cough medicine in a bottle small enough to be inserted into ones ass. Lovely progress self-medicating america.

If you want energy, you need to find a drink that has Guarana in it. When it comes to caffeine, what it does to your body and how you can get larger dosages of it less liquid, Guarana wears the one ring to rule them all. Find an energy drink with Guarana in it and crappy, temporary, health damaging false energy will be yours. (Sugar Free Rockstar)

Or you could just sleep more and take your job less seriously. Which, trust me, much better for you.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Augmented Reality

Hmmm.

So, this tech + goggles + maze = real life 3D shooter?

http://www.wired.com/beyond_the_beyond/2009/06/now-that-weve-augmented-some-reality-how-bout-blasting-some-zombies/

Monday, June 01, 2009

Project Natal

W000T?

If you haven't seen or heard of this, please take a moment: http://www.gametrailers.com/video/e3-09-project-natal/50014

I think this may be the coolest thing to happen to gamers....in....ever.

Microsoft shot at the Wii audience - is awesome. Why? Because the general problem with the Wii is that while it is incredibly inventive, forward thinking etc - the Wii is basically a Gamecube with an infrared remote and if you have any level of sophistication in gaming Wii games are fun for about 30 minutes before you realize that they are slow, unresponsive, low poly and generally unimpressive.

For a while I kept wishing the M$ would come out with a copy of the Wii controller so I could play Oblivion with full real motion sword swings. I might finally get some exercise.

But they've apparently (in good MS style) taken a concept fleshed out by the competition (or the open source world), injected it with steroids and moved the entire industry forward as a result. - And I say that with affection - I love MS products from their game console to their dev platform for doing just that (save for Vista and Live - which are total and utter fails F--).

Project Natal looks to be amazing (and hopefully catches on faster then the table computer :) ). The biggest factor is that the sophistication of the xbox audience is much higher then your average casual Wii owner. The potential for triple A hardcore titles to take advantage of the controller is huge.

There is some lameness in that video (namely the dad replacing the tires in the race car pit) but the scene where the kid is fully body fighting right in the beginning was enough to win me over. I want one. Now.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena

If you love Riddick, worth playing.

If you love stealth action - worth playing.

Otherwise - meh. Take a pass.

Multi-player, which was highly anticipated, is a total joke.

Movie rundown:

Star Trek = A+
Taken (dvd and on-demand) = B+
Mutant Chronicles 2009 = F

Red Dead Redemption

This game is going to be f-ing BA

http://www.rockstargames.com/reddeadredemption/index.html

Very excited. I met one of the producers for this in ny on a sales call. He had worked on the original red dead which I didn't play, but I may try to get it on xbox originals or something.

Rockstar. Sandbox. Rage Engine (GTA IV). Western theme.

WoooT?!

Edit: By the way - all scenes are IN GAME. BOOM.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Game play trailer for the new Eidos Batman game

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWtdhEIgMm4

I wasn't expecting much here (licensed property usually = poop) but this has me optimistic.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Buying Puts

I'm a firm believer that the market has gone up to much to fast. I took a bit of a path on timing, buying May puts but I really do believe another big pull back is coming. It's happened in most major crashes dot-com, 9-11 and the 1930s.

This is an investment blog I follow, that has a really interesting correlation between today's market and 1939.

http://seekingalpha.com/article/138298-today-s-market-vs-1938

Disclaimer: I am wrong as often as I'm right.

Friday, April 24, 2009

This is going to make for some great TV one day

http://seekingalpha.com/article/132895-cuomo-s-revelation-bernanke-and-paulson-strongarmed-bofa-s-purchase-of-merrill

The stuff A-grade TV mini-series are made of.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Mike Smith's new show!

Check it out at: http://watchoutofoffice.com/episodes/

Edit: Mike is now officially the coolest person I know.

Send it to your friends geeks.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Technology as Relationships

I got an iPhone recently. It is the sexiest piece of technology I have ever owned. But I have to admit, I didn't get it because I liked it. If not for the constant beratemnt from my peers over my crappy old phone, I might have stayed with my Blackberry 7230 forever. The Blackberry 7230s are the giant fat blue ones from back in the day when blackberry decided to go blue and a few dumb fucks started calling it the "blueberry" until they realized it wasn't ever going to catch on (I was one of these people). To me, the 7230 was the commodore 64 for the mobile phone world, both in that it was totally awesome, yet sadly, past its time. The fact is one cannot roll into a customer's office toting how amazing your technology product is and then whip out a 7230 to check your mail. To me, it should seem like pulling up in a classic automobile, but in reality it's usually just met with giggles and a "hahaha you still have one of those? What is this 1822?"

If you still don't know what I'm talking about then go to images.google.com and search for boobs. Boobs? Um wait sorry - bad habit - I mean search for "Black Berry 7230". When you see it, you'll know exactly what I mean and you will likely say "dear god that's old" as if you peering upon a mummified corpse of a Egyptian Pharaoh.

While having a 7230 brought to mind images of turning a crank and holding an ear piece to your ear while asking the operator to connect you to Old Mrs Johnson's residence, I can honestly say that while antiquated now, it was thing of usability beauty, much like the iPhone is now - with the addition that it never crashed. EVER, EVER the entire time I owned it and I've owned my 7230 since probably - 2002. Only once did I change phones in that time, and after a short period of time I switched back.

Why you ask? What iPhone precursor could have the raw technological sex appeal to get me to stray from my 7230?

Ever heard of the Q-TEK 900? No, of course you haven't. Want to know why? Because the Q-TEK 900s were giant, utter complete pieces of elephant shit.

You see, finding a phone that is right for you is a lot like finding a mate. As men we know we need someone that is going to be there for us, support us and love us through thick and thin regardless of our faults and failings. But we get a little caught up in the more shallow aspects of the dating ritual. Specifically the ones that promise an easy transition from dating to mating. We look at shiny, surface things like:

"She gets drunk and makes out with her friends."

or

"If you give her drugs she'll sleep with you."

or


"She has more silicone in her boobs and ass then Joan Rivers has in her face. "


While the last one is a physical impossibility, I'm sure you get my drift.

As we age and mature as men, we realize that while these seem like attractive traits at the time - in the long run - it's very possible that they are disguise for some other inadequacies.

So - the table is set - on with the story.

I walked into J and R world and it was love at first site. It had a side-kick keyboard. It had telnet (yea, I'm huge nerd). It had skype (I was going to talk for free forever). It had a 1.4 gigahertz processor (w000t). It had a full IE, MSN, AOL, WORD, EXCEL. It had EVERYTHING. I was a computer in your pocket!!! I could telnet to my servers and code for it with .NET ( i love .net). THE PROMISE and POTENTIAL was ENDLESS.

It had....Windows Mobile 5.1?.....It was $900.00?.....hold on...something seems wrong here....but... I bought it anyway. Because as we will see - I am idiot.

It should be first stated before continuing that noting that your awesome new phone runs Windows Mobile 5.1 is like going out on your first date with a super sexy women who immediately tells you that she is a stripper, has a $400 a week cocaine habit, narcolepsy, and a tendency to murder small animals.

When this happens - a signal is immediately sent out of your medulla oblongata (the primal center of your mind that keeps your from getting killed in the wild and also what makes alligators so honory) - to let you know that this is going to be a fucking train wreck in the long run, and that you should get the fuck out of dodge immediately and without further hesitation. But unfortunately, what sits before you is so shiny, your brain isn't really working because all the blood is in your penis, over-riding your survival instincts. As a result, the thoughts don't really take hold of any nerve endings, they just sort of grasp meekly like a drowning fat guy before getting stored away in some forgotten folder of your brain's desktop (your brain runs windows too...sucks for humanity.)

Then 2 months later when she's robbed your place, fell asleep on an escalator and killed an old lady, assaulted your dog and pole-danced for all your friends, you're brain will remember those files, dust them off and say, "Fuck. Cocaine habit? How the hell did we miss that?" Thus, the evolution of man occurs.

That's pretty much what happened to me as I started lovingly upon the Q-TEK 9100. As a phone, it was a cocaine-addicted, dog-killing stripper who makes out with her friends. And I, hypnotized by her Delilian undulations was throwing away my reliable, loving, caring Blackberry 7230 to jaunt around seedy bars with her. And I had no idea, guilt or foresight into the matter.

Though, like in any REALLY bad relationship, in a week in - I noticed something about my Q-TEK.

It was utterly and completely unreliable. Let me state it this way:

If a hostile race of alien's the size of the Giant's entire offense line landed at my house and were ready to gang rape me with a 10 foot alien-anal-probe, there was an 8 out of 10 chance that my FUCKING PHONE WOULD FREEZE AND CRASH as I dialed 911 in a panicked attempt to save myself from an event that would make the money scenes from Deliverance and Pulp Fiction look like Big Bird and Snuffy cuddling on a run-of-the-mill episode of Sesame Street. I was missing calls, hanging up in the middle of them, skype NEVER worked and MSN would stay logged in for 35 seconds before freezing the entire phone. This phone would crash everyday.

Not only would it crash - it was a choker. It would miss game winning shots. I would show it to people. They would be like, "wow that is so cool, can I see it?" and they would press a button and it would crash and they'd be like "dork." Imagine if you brought the stripper to your parents house and said, "Just don't mention the coke, just this once." but she of course then goes blows lines off your Mom's bedroom vanity mirror.

So one day, I realized the error of my ways. I was sorry, and I had had enough of my Q-Tek 9100 stripper phone. So, I opened it up, I took the SIM card out and put it back into my 7230 and there I begged this phone, this inanimate object, for it's forgiveness. I said, "Baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't know what I had. I'll never leave again." And I didn't.

Until now. There is this new iPhone.......so shiny, so nice. Nothing lasts forever.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Poor, Poor Alan Moore

Just got back from the Watchmen movie. And I do feel bad for Alan Moore. They rewrote his ending and this is likely why he made such a huge stink over the movie and refused royalties.

- BUT -

Allow me to put it in these terms so as not to spoil anything: As I watched this movie, and the slowly inching realization that the ending had been rewritten began to creep into my conscious like Rorschach through a dimly lit alley, I felt the passionate and uncontrollable desire to fucking cheer.

I went to this movie bitter and irritated and expecting it to be a suckier version of a story that gleaned so close to perfection but was doomed by immature hero worship and comic book themes that skirted stupidity. (oh, that's going to fire some folks up)

The new ending just writes itself. It's so plainly *CORRECT*, so plainly obvious that this is quite clearly how the story SHOULD have ended. When you read the graphic Novel it's like the muse of creativity dictated the very words of the Watchmen into Moore's ears but left him to his own doings on the end and he scrambled to come up with something plausible. But instead of reaching into his bag of brilliant he reached into his bag of cartoon stupid and fleshed out the details of our heros' fate.

This movie has salvaged the Watchmen for me. It is both painstakingly true to and yet a giant step forward from the graphic novel. David Hayter, Alex Tse and Zach Snyder (good god, I'm saying nice things about Zach Snyder) are to be commended.

It is a definite *must see*, especially if you got to the end of Moore's Novel and said:


"Are you fucking kidding me? Did you just [Spoiler] pull a fucking psychic, exploding alien out of your ass and drop it into this masterpiece [/Spoiler] you fucking douche bag?"


They stay 100% true to the vision and theme of the original story but manage to get rid of the details that have as much grounding and plausibility in the main story The Wicked Witch of the West showing up and giving cooking lessons.

The Nightowl is still a geek. But, so I am I reckon.

Well done. Well done.

Sorry Moore, cry all you want, take yourself off the credits - They did well by you and your story as much as that must suck to face.


Edit:
A quick clarification -

(3:41:10 PM) Chris: Well, you didn't like the novel (which puts you in the minority)
(3:41:16 PM) Joe: hold on
(3:41:20 PM) Joe: i didn't not like the novel
(3:41:25 PM) Joe: I felt robbed by the ending
(3:41:35 PM) Joe: i thought the movie was as true as it could be to the novel
(3:41:45 PM) Joe: with the ++ of not having the stupidest ending of all time
(3:41:46 PM) Joe: to be fair -
(3:42:01 PM) Joe: I'm so floored with the perfection of the new ending - that I now love the graphic novel again
(3:42:22 PM) Joe: it's like I can just pretend the end of the novel was this end
(3:42:23 PM) Joe: :)
(3:42:35 PM) Chris: and no sub stories
(3:42:51 PM) Joe: fuck em
(3:42:56 PM) Joe: I have the substories from the novel.
(3:43:00 PM) Joe: they are in my head.
(3:43:06 PM) Joe: Together - we have the perfect whole.
(3:43:09 PM) Joe: I'm so happy

Monday, March 02, 2009

For the love of god.

I think very highly of Microsoft as a company. I really do - I try really, really hard to defend them against the onslaught of angry linux and mac geeks who on the daily chip away at the fabric of the M$ empire.

But for fucks sake guys, you're not making it any easier for me.

Here is why the majority of the civilized world loves (catch that sarcasm?) Microsoft so much. You realize at about 11pm that your IE doesn't work on your laptop just a few hours before what could amount to be a make or break demo for your company.

Oddly enough firefox works. Now normally you would just use Chrome - and have IE and FireFox take a hike because Chrome is just so god damn awesome.

But for now, using Firefox you go to support.microsoft.com and they tell you to fix IE, visit to update.microsoft.com. Heh, but you know how this is going to end, because you've been around the block a few times.

You go to update.microsoft.com and it says that you need IE to view this site.


Yea. Not making it easy.

Not at all.


Update: For those of you who keep telling me to use the Firefox plugin - I don't use firefox. Firefox is a memory pig that blows up to 1gig of ram with more frequency then I got an erection over Jody Martin in 8th grade. So save it.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

This is Why You're Fat

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com

6 pages of awe inspiring American recipes that deep down, you cannot help but want to try. Just once.

Please note on page 6 there is a product called: Baconnaise. The joy this fills me with is unbridled.

>>>Edit - Ah shucks - I just checked on baconnaise and it does not infact contain any bacon. Just soy oil and things I cannot pronounce. http://www.jdfoods.net/products/nutrition/

Thursday, January 29, 2009

And with great anticipation....

...he opened the output file which had been processing for hours - lines of code crunching statistics to create harmonious fact where before there was but only raw intuition and guesswork. He tilted his head as the white backed text editor presented him with his findings and noticing the scrawl of text that expanded endlessly for thousands of characters across the one line in an otherwise empty file as if it was being supported by a giant pillar of nothing below a writers stunted first sentences - a small whisper of a voice in his mind said: “.Writeline(), not .Write()” .

And he was sad.

If bacon was a giant sea monster that attacked tokyo

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/dining/28bacon.html

Oddly enough - a vegetarian sent me this link.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Yahtzee says something nice.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/525-Gears-of-War-2

Gears Rocks. This review is hysterical.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Gow 2 Glitch List

You hate them. We all do.

Top 7 Glitches You Should Know

But I'm definitely going to try the shotgun + shield trick on you.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Mission Falafel Ends Horribly

I'm on a diet. I'm on a diet because I am fat and as we all know fat people die sooner then skinny people and I like being here so I'd like to extend my ticket by becoming skinny.

But, I also like to eat. Life has few pleasures. For me these include food, football, whiskey, certain beers, video games, marijuana and chasing women. Love, marriage, commitment and maintaining the guise of being a responsible member of society unfortunately puts the last two items on this list to swift death. This leaves us with food, booze, video games and the Giants. The diet restricts booze, the Giants don't play until tomorrow and I had to work this weekend so so that leaves us with eating.

I took a stern look at what foods were allowed by my diet and I noticed that chick-peas, olive oil and spices were all on the A-OK list. So I decided - I'm going to make falafel.

Now - let me set the record straight. I love falafel. I love it like Gandi and Jesus love peace on earth for all mankind. The fact that falafel if made correctly was allowed on my diet was like a gift from god handed down from heaven to be shared among his chosen people, if his chosen people were me and falafel were the 10 Commandments.

So I put my chef hat on.

Now - if you know me, this should give you pause. I have a hard time cooking eggs, I've set fires trying to cook things and the only thing I've ever been able to make that anyone other then me has been able to choke down without frowning or worse was a Cowboy cut steak which I essentially just salted and dropped on a BBQ in my old NYC apt (mmmmm steak). But - of late I have been dabbling for the sake of my health and today would be triumph. I would have falafel, even if it meant scalding myself.

So I went to Trader Joe's with the Strokes playing in my I-Pod and a fervent sense of destiny in my toes. I bought myself some canned chick-peas, some olive oil, some chick-pea flour (because I can't eat wheat) and a big as bottle of olive oil. I paid, grabbed my bag, gave the counter a girl a wink because I'm sexy bastard and rolled home full of excitement and promise.

[cut three hours later]

I am a disillusioned, broken man who is still cleaning up the mess, nursing oil burns and instead of eating gorgeously delicious falafel, I instead had to force feed myself some moist oily matter consisting of burned chick-peas, salt and matted chickpea flour.

As it turns out, you need a PHD to prepare this tasty treat. Things went down a bit like this:

5pm - I pull a recipe for falafel from epicurious, which strangely reminds me of the term "bi-curious" and the website just by it's title seems to make cooking seem gay. Not one to be put back by homophobia, I print the recipe which seems to be a no-brainer. Though the recipe has multiple, fairly complex steps my brain interprets them as "mix some shit up" "pour some oil in the pan", "add mixed up shit to pan", "fry shit in pan" , "eat". Easy, awesome and all low GI foods. What could possibly go wrong?

5:15pm - I frown a bit because the recipe calls for dried chick peas. All I have is canned. I continue, unphased. I uncan and boil the chick peas.

5:20pm - my patience waiting for the chick peas to get soft runs out.

5:25pm - Sarah convinces me that making falafel with semi-hard chick-peaks is a bad idea. I watch a tivo-ed Scrubs, fast forward through commercials and take them off 15 minutes later. They are moderately soft, thanks to be jacking the burner flame to "ignite" while I waited. When I get there all the water is boiled away.

6pm - I mix all the crap the recipe calls for into a bowl, only mildly paying attention to the recommended dosages and adding heaping portions of things that I like. Things I like include salt and garlic. Cummin seemed strange and foreign so I just left it out. I later regret this. "Going commando" when cooking while as much fun as it's underwareless cousin, turns out to be just as bad an idea.

6:15pm - I add all the stuff into the food processor and realize there is way too much to fit. Not wanting to do this twice I force it all in with my fist.

6:20pm - The food processor starts making some very odd noises and smelling like burning. I turn it off so Sarah doesn't notice I've broken it.

6:30pm - I finish mashing all the chick peas with a spoon and find the biggest pan I can and fill it olive oil, I again set the burner flame to ignite and sit down to catch another few minutes of Scrubs (I love this show) while the oil heats.

6:45pm - Sarah yells at me to remind me that my oil is on the stove bubbling uncontrollably.

7:00pm - I add the falafel in large balls to the oil. I learn a very quick lesson that when you put something wet into a pool of really hot oil, the oil gets mad at you and spits little bits into the air that quite often land on your arms causing damage to the skin there. After a few yelps and a cry for help, Sarah (who quickly came to my rescue) and I watch with vexation, honest surprise and concern as the falafel balls who held so much promise and possibility, slowly dissolve into an oily, burned, brown chick-pea sludge.

7:05pm - I wonder where 2 hours of my life has gone as I watch olive oil bubbling slowly into a thick and inedible, falafel-mud.

7:15pm - Tired of watching my the green-ish beige lumps of hope and effort slowly dissolve into crap like the bad Vampire effects in Blade 2, I fish out the semi-cooked, still sort of whole lumps of burned chick-pea out of the oil where I can. Sarah stares at me dubiously.

7:30pm - I eat one of them. They taste like raw dough, dipped in oil and rolled in flour. They are both dry and slimy at the same time. I liken them to eating bugs. My best shot at describing is if you can imagine that you took really dry humus that had been saturated in garlic and salt, covered it in baby powder and then forced fed it yourself.

7:45pm - Hungry and still refusing to admit defeat - I cover them with Tahina to hide my shame, nod to my wife and say, "They're not bad actually.". When she turns away I throw them out and make sure I say loud enough so she can hear me in the office, "Wow, those were good afterall. You just had to give them time." If I am heard, I am ignored.

9pm - It takes a nearly an hour and half to clean all the dishes, the giant mess in the kitchen and the burn wounds on my forearms.

9:30pm - I write this blog. I am very hungry. I burp garlic. I decide cooking is over-rated.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Why Gears of War 2 is NOW the greatest game of all time.

Alright - the holiday seemed to be owned by 3 games. Fallout 3, Gears 2 and Left 4 Dead. I have played all of them. And Gears is still the god king of all video games.

Here is the run down:

Fallout 3 - Fallout 3 is like a blow job in high school that ends with your mom coming home right in the middle and abruptly ruining it and leaving you feeling robbed and embarrassed all at the same time. Why? Because when you first start playing F3 you will be enthralled in the amazing post-apocalyptic world, by the way they handle character creation and the way the story seems to pull you in like you were Michael Corleone in a movie that probably could have been skipped. But by the end of this bullshit story, once you've see the same lame enemies and have had the same battle for the umpteenth thousandth time - you will feel robbed, you will still be hard, it will suck and you'll still have some explaining to do.

If you liked Oblivion, you'll maybe sort of kinda like F3. You're basically running around killing shit, raising levels and getting cooler and cooler stuff so that you can run around and kill bigger and badder shit so you can get more stuff so you can...yea...but instead of being a knight in armor - you're mad max.

On the plus side - there is an ultra-violent matrix like targeting system which BRILLIANTLY blends real time + turn based action into something that is truly a joy to play. That and it's lets you blow people's faces off in slow motion with a shotgun which is a horribly under-rated and surprisingly therapeutic way to spend time. However - this is fun for a few days and this where praise ends.

The AI in this game is utterly and completely and totally and completely and utterly fucking stupid. It's as if you took really stupid AI and gave it a brain tumor and then dropped it back in this game. It is the same monkey fuck AI from Oblivion and is easily some of the worst to date. Enemy AI have 3 functions - kill you, follow you, and sit there as if they should be eating paste.

Then there's the story. Which at first is very fascinating but ends up being fragmented, forced and disappointing. It's almost as if they needed to get done and get it out the door for x-mas. The games' critical acclaim has been along the lines of the "open" story and "open" world where you get to determine "what sort of person" you will be in the world. Not to ruin it for you - this is an illusion. While there is some level of choice and self destiny - there are 4 endings and they're all pretty much the same. It's like "Ending 1 - The end event - you're a good guy!" and "Ending 2 - the end event - you're a bad guy!" and "Ending 3 - the end event - you're a not so good and not so bad guy". At the end of the day, it's still the same fucking end of the story and how you get there isn't varied at all. I don't need you to summarize my karma-level in mad max world.

To be fair - if you want to play a sick, single player RPG with an awesome story and slightly varied ending - get Mass Effect, It's better and there are boobies. :) Though F3 has the added benefit of being able to gut innocent civilians and set off a nuclear bomb.

That said though - Another complaint is that the game seems to try to stick you into 2 buckets - good guy or bad guy. I did the good guy plot first (because of my angelic nature), However, when I then later tried to play the bad guy, the natural thing to do seems to be to slaughter rooms full of people in any settlement you encounter which seems not to be handled by the story arc very well. I'm mean, hell I'm a bad guy? After a while I found myself without mission, quest or direction. Mostly because anyone who came within 10 feet of me got a shot gun to the face and there was no-one left to talk to who didn't want to kill me on site. So - maybe this was my fault.

Another point of praise has been for just how much content in this game. This is true. You will struggle to see and do everything in F3. However - if you want to see any of it, you really have to desperately TRY to AVOID the story (which might be how they intended to hide that scrubby piece of shit). Because unlike Oblivion, once the story is over the game is over. There is no ability to just waltz around and unlock more stuff. Which seems odd as this is a perfect game for selling expansion packs and it was an aspect of Oblivion that was done very well.

So all in all - Shotgunning the face is admittedly very amusing but - for this buy Gears2. F3 is fun but would have been better if they'd had a car or something and been able to get things finished.

That takes us to ----

Left 4 Dead - First let me say that everything you have read about Left 4 Dead is true. This game is awesome and it's fun to play online and it is a brilliant *step* for how a multiplayer online game should be played and how we look at how games can be cooperatively and competitively played. However - like so many of the Silicon-enhanced, Cyborg, Soccer Mom's I encounter living in Orange County - Left 4 Dead lacks substance. Yea, I did just just say that. Read on.

If four cloned copies of Selma Hayek were at the top of 10 flights of stairs, naked, covered in bacon (don't ask) and cooing your name in erotic, beckoning whispers, and you needed to climb the all 10 flights of steps to get to your sublime, genetically modified prize, and that was a warped analogy for the evolution of multi-player gaming - L4D is only flight 3 or 4 with quite a ways to go to flight 10 and having your nob polished by a movie star. Ie - it's cool but it's not fucking Selma Hayek (or her genetically grown twin) and it certainly isn't cause for some of the other flaws.

But first the positives -

It's very cool to allow a "sort of campaign mode" to be played where some players are bad guy zombies and others are good guy survivors. It is also very cool to pit them against each other. However - the fact is what you're playing is only a "sort of campaign mode" which just makes it a glorified multiplayer game where some of us have different powers then others. At the end of the day it has glimmers of genius but falls a tad short of something that collectively pits us against each other in a compelling online shared story.

And wait - now notice - the lack of a....single player...campaign...or...any real campaign...at all? What? Really?

When I realized this I simply said: CAN I HAVE A FUCKING SINGLE PLAYER CAMPAIGN FOR YOUR AWESOME GAME PLS YOU TWATS?

Why the CAPS? Well - simply because I can't be bothered trying to play a game which is online only and thus forcing me to attempt to play at the same skill level of random 10 year-old, squeaky voiced brats who do nothing but eat the lunches of grown up douche bag gamers like me all day long. You guys created half-life. YOU HAVE EXPECTATIONS TO LIVE UP TO.

I mean - I just paid 60 dollars for this thing. Well - rather someone else paid $60 to give it to me. But still! I want an intriguing fucking story, and I want to feel like the god-damn hero, even if that hero is a geeky looking scientist in a power suit. After that - I'm happy to get trampled by kids in multi-player mode all day because I realize - I'm a 33 year old with a full time job who still loves video games and that's pretty much how things go. The real Matrix would have been ruled by squeaky voiced brats who call Neo and Smith fags right before blowing their brains out and trading pokemon cards.

So - where was I? Essentially L4D is a crap load of fun with crazy ragging zombies, fast based action, a minor flicker of genius and NO FUCKING STORY. What makes the lack of a story so much worse is the L4D is actually SUCH a cool game with such an AWESOME opening sequence that you REALLY want to play the campaign that doesn't exist.

Alas - not only do I feel robbed, I feel let down. It's like realizing that not only is your Orange County Silicone Soccer Mom lacking substance and regularly turning you down for sex, she's also fucking the pool boy.

Okay - so there is a campaign on L4D but if you haven't noticed that it's just the multiplayer mode with bots then you can give the F3 AI a run for it's money in the "I'm a mentally stunted idiot" department. I never in my life could have imagined me seriously saying that a video game - lacked substance. But it does - Jesus.

Which brings us to - Gears 2.

Well - Gears 2 is Gears 1 with LOTS of NEW shit. It's everything you loved about Gears 1 with heaping helping of AWESOME BACON GRAVY drizzled all the over it and served with CHEESE FRIES the night after a drunken saturday where you scored with 3 different girls and got a 50% raise at work.

It is - the shit.

It has: A HUGE story that ends with an AWESOME CLIFF HANGER. I kept thinking the game was over and it would hit me with new angles. Um - fight a brumak? Ride a brumak bitches.

It has: Awesome new weapons - The addition of heavy halo 3 movable turrent weapons like mortars and chain guns.

It has: SOME OF THE BEST AI to date. The AI is cunning, coordinated and really bad ass.

It has: An co-op online multiplayer mode (horde) that lets you play with five of your friends against an ever increasing in strength horde of bad guys (wonder why they call it horde?) where you have to work together to mow down Locust by the dozens to survive. Team work is a must and lone rangers get cut down in seconds. The crew and I played every sunday night for a month until we were utterly sick of it. And to be fair - the only reason we were sick of it is because online against real people is so cool.

It has: Multiplayer online mode that now supports 5 on 5, new maps, old maps. YES OLD MAPS BITCHES. You get to play on 90% of the maps from Gears 1. Now multiple player modes are - well just okay. At the end of the day Warzone death match is still fantastic.

It has: Plantable grenades to be used as proximity mines.

It has: COLE TRAIN (who is voiced by none other then Terrible Terry Tate himself! (YOU CAN'T BRING THAT WEAK ASS GAME UP IN THIS HUMPTY BUMPTY!)

Now - with all good comes bad. For whatever reason - Epic seems to hire idiots for their network programmers. There are times where you can honestly wait 20 minutes to find an online match. To be fair - the more I play the less it seems to happen but those first few days I wanted to kick someone in the face while I stared at the little spinning "searching" wheel.

But still - Gears 2. If you loved Gears 1 (and if you didn't you're going to hell), you will adore Gears 2.

Don't eat Olean...?

This was too funny not to post:

http://links.zigzo.com/2006/12/10/pringles-will-grease-your-ass/

The title is: Pringles will grease your ass.

Enjoy.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

I have a new appreciation of baba ganoush

Long ago - baba ganoush was just the distant friend of Humus. Something that often tagged along with Humus, Pita and Falafel that you paid little attention to but didn't mind it's presence while you hit on her friends.

But of late, I have a new appreciation for Baba Ganoush. I think I like it more then Humus.

Gears of War 2 Vs Left 4 Dead vs Fallout 3 review to follow.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

I stole this.

Here is a story -


Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to
the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.


The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went
out to the forest and started catching them.


The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to
diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that
he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the efforts of the
villagers and they started catching monkeys again.


Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going
back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply
of
monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let
alone catch it!


The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each!
However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his
assistant would buy on his behalf.


In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers:
'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has already
collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns
from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.'


The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the
monkeys.


They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and
lots of monkeys!


Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works


Those of you freaking out and selling everything your own right now - that may be wise to some extent. However - a better idea is to buy in tiny little increments. Don't buy all at once, just some. The monkeys will be 10.00 soon and it will start over.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Random Facebook Awesomeness

As a status -

Mike thinks Larry King looks like a Chicken McNugget.


Made my morning.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

molloy is the voice of reason

love it or hate it - he keeps you out of jail.

;)

Market Rule of Thumb - If you watch Mad Money

...Know that our man JC (Jim Cramer - not the other JC) - when compared with other analysts etc gets a low 80% ranking on caps.fool.com. While there is a great deal of good things that come out of Jimbo there is one more important rule. If a CEO is on Mad Money - The shit storm is coming. They are only doing Jim's show to try and do damage control to an mainly uneducated public and avoid, avert, prelude, or balance or the inevitable (or currently occurring) dump of their stock.

That's not to say Jimbo does a bad job. He does a good job (not a great job). But this is an irrefutable truth. Imho - he doesn't beat these guys up enough.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

The Watchmen

Ori is a good friend. But that does not stop the Watchmen from sort of sucking.

Maybe it's outdated, maybe I'm just not a comic book guy....But - I found it all a bit juvenile. The story and characters were shallow. The end (which is much hyped) is a bit lame and comes very much out of left field and leaves you saying "Wow, thats really....really....well...outlandish.".

My disbelief was never truly suspended. The word "Masked Adventurer" is used a bit too often which makes the "silly" factor crank a little into the red. Jon's character is interesting but suffers from the same problems modern day superman faces - the psycology of his ominipotence is never really explored. The Rorschach and Comedian stories are interesting but I don't know - meh it all fizzles into a ending that feels rushed and half-baked.

Worth reading and probably an icon for the time but certainly not meant to be seated next to Blood Merridian and 1984.

Over hyped for me.

Facism and social repression were invented to prevent things like this from occuring.

I am not a facist. Yet - when faced with certain things, part of me understands. A little anyway.

Note 1 - This is not safe for work.

Note 2 - It is however very funny. If you are at work, you now want to watch this but cannot and hate me.

Note 3 - Note the socks.

Note 4 - If anyone is grossly offended by this, thank Mansa, also known as Rodney and named by his parents as Aaron.

Note 5 - Not safe for work.

Note 6 - Really....not kidding. Don't blame me if you get fired.

Note 7 - Wow. Someone made this.

http://www.dancefloordale.com/

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Green clarifications

Alright - soooo. The point of my previous post (which has been queried upon several times) is that living a cleaner human existence is a good thing. Obviously. I don't hate the planet. ;)

However - there are a few irrefutable truths to the culture of black and white fanaticism America tends to embrace, and I'm really just trying to show how ridiculous the entire debate surrounding this thing really has become.

We as human beings -

especially those of us living in a media rich society and more especially when that media is primarily geared toward the lower end of the education spectrum because that population tends to be so much larger then the rest of the population and thereby represents a much larger ad revenue base

- are constantly under a barrage of one-sided half-truth's designed to win us onto one side of a given issue. More often then not, the issue at hand is really not an issue at all but rather a small fragment of a larger issue. The fragment is being pushed more frequently because it's easier to understand and thus designed to resonate with us emotionally and call us to action, so the larger issue can garner support and the media outlet in question can sell more ads. Even though if you're giving support you may not be aware of the larger issue at all.

You could say, for example, that the global struggle to control the remaining larger fields of carbon based fuels is a larger issue garnering support from the "war on terror" in America. More often then not, if we're significantly drawn by the smaller issue we tend to lose sight that we're being subtly manipulated into supporting the larger issue (or into losing sight of the larger issue).

A better example of this is in NYC. When I was still living there Bloomberg was strongly supporting the creation of a stadium on the westside highway for the Jets. There was a substantial public outcry, protests and posters. Which were in part funded by the company that owns Madison Square Garden.

Ie, don't under estimate who owns a sizable interest in insuring the message you're hearing is delivered. True altruism is rare. ;)

Try not to believe for a moment that the green movement is any different. That's not to say there isn't some truth behind the propaganda, but a great deal of green guilt messaging you're hearing this late in the game is very much designed at separating you from your money. There wouldn't be so many "substitute" products for anything you can think of if it were not. Bet a dollar that anyone designing green product marketing has studied the organic food marketing and the response to it by the American population very closely.

All I'm really just trying to do is to use humor to show how truly ridiculous it all really is. And how we as human beings probably never really look into the things as closely as we should before we become emotionally involved in them. I'd like to believe it's important as personal discipline to take the other side of something you feel strongly about, if only to put it to the racks and determine if you are actually as one sided on the matter as you believe you are. It's quite obviously very easy to mold public perceptions and push agendas that are fear and ignorance based. Don't be one of those people. Just because Al Gore or Michael Moore (ouch - yea I did just put them together which is probably a little unfair) puts it in a movie or a book doesn't mean every lick of it is as true (or as one-sided) as it seems. Some of it is true, some of it (especially in Mike's case) is very, very skewed and/or circumstantial. Nobody ever won an oscar without drama. That *is* the point, hmm?

Bla bla bla. Any way - the point being and what was meant to be humorous is that:

I find it most odd that the fear that we are in fact wrecking the planet gets us to spend more money on (or to do things that) we don't need without us having proper factual information supporting said need. But that exact same behavioral response is the root of the original problem.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Saving the Planet - One poor decision at a time.

Well not really. So, each day when I wake up to go to my job I am faced with the dilemma that I would imagine is a metaphor for our greater struggle as a people to maintain our environment.

I'll state up front that I am all for "saving the planet" as long as Al Gore and/or the American government are not in charge (or any where within 500 miles) of the efforts surrounding this and no one is allowed to collect a "carbon-footprint" tax from me just to pump into a green ETF which is comprised 95% of companies that have energy solutions incapable of economically sustaining themselves without massive government stipends and/or tax breaks and is one republican senate away from looking like a bank stock after the media poo-poos Paulson's recovery plan. (Good thing I just day trade, investing is for suckers On a side note: Mike Smith - Diversify.)

In addition - to quote the late George Carlin, "We're not saving the planet. The planet isn't going anywhere, it's the people that are fucked."

So please save any spiritual, earth-child bullshit for someone else. I am only (very loosely) behind this cause because I don't want my children to inherit a brown sky, expensive bottled water and gas masks. I'll save my utter disdain for nuevo "earth therapists", carbon guilt donations and other assorted riff raff and con artistry for another post.

Moving on - As I was saying I am faced with a large psychological dilemma that is perhaps the exact microcosm of the nation's environmental macrocosm. Each morning there are two bags organized on my porch. One bag contains "garbage" and the other bag contains "recyclables". I'm not quite sure how these bags come into existence, nor how they end up on the porch. I know only that at some point during a "chores" discussion (during which I was playing Xbox360) it was dictated to me by a higher authority (my wife) that it was my destiny and duty as "man" to bring these bags downstairs and to put them into their corresponding dumpsters.

Seems simple, but alas like anything you have ever said "two weeks" to as a technology estimate - you are very wrong, the devil is in the details and you should be prepared to work many, many late nights to hit the "two week" estimate you didn't want to give in the first place but your sales team needed a "ball park" estimate which was later promised to the customer. And quite a devil he is. Beelzebub I would say if I were to name him. Maybe Mephistopheles, I haven't slightest idea really but certainly "a" devil.

You see, in my apartment complex there are two dumpsters. Well...3 really but two "dumpster areas" of which one "area" contains two dumpsters and the other contains but one. The "area" with the single dumpster is very, very close to my apartment. I can reach this first dumpster by simply trotting downstairs, taking a few steps into the street and tossing the bag over the the little brown wall that separates it from me with a victorious underhand arc that is truly awe inspiring to witness.

The end of the bag flutters through the wind like a dragon's tail as it is carried through the air by the weight of the payload before crunches into dumpster with a rounded thud. I take distinct pleasure in not actually knowing if the dumpster is empty and wondering if there will be a resounding "GONG" as the bag hits the metal bottom and the sound wave carries throughout the entire parking lot. I would imagine that this makes some sleeping people in my complex fairly unhappy, but my inner child doesn't care and let's face it, he's running the show these days.

The other 2 dumpsters can only be reached by navigating all the way around the first area. All in all this probably equates to about 60 steps, maybe 30 seconds of my total morning time. I realize that probably doesn't *seem* like much to you and you're probably scoffing at my lazy indecision but there is a little known and undiscovered element of modern physics that dictates that at 5am - groggy and tired as I am - time itself slows down like bullets in the matrix making this little 30 second walk appear to me as the mother-fucking Appalachian trail.

In the winter.

During Bear mating season.

And while those two things (winter + bear mating) probably don't correspond in nature (because bears hibernate you see) I'm sure you get my drift.

Okay - so getting past my flowery descriptions of arcing garbage bag trajectories - The BIG problem here is that the second area contains....you guessed it...the recycling bin. My "area" has only a lowly garbage bin. While there is plenty of room for a second recycling bin in the first area, it appears that god has seen fit to test my resolve as man by manipulating time, space and conscious so that a recycling bin in area 1 is no where to be found.

As a result each morning I am faced with the following choice:

1) Throw the recycling into the main garbage. Damn the world to a brown, wasted, globally warm existence of burning carbon fuels, Fallout like mutants and republican government. Get on my bike and zip off to work.


---OR---

2) Do the right thing, brave the Appalachian trail, take an extra 30 seconds and put the glass and plastic where they belong thus creating a better, greener world filled with new, and completely unobjective, economically unsustainable, products we don't as a people need so that we can feel better about having done our part to reduce our carbon footprint.

I won't say it's not a struggle. I won't say that I have never stopped mid stride and stared into the not too distant "second area" of bins and strongly considered saying "fuck this world and the next" and tossing my bag of beer bottles (mostly Chimay Blue - which is lovely) and orange juice containers into the main bin and guffawing into the ether, "IT IS NOT MY FAULT! THE SYSTEM SHOULD ACCOUNT FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME!". But, while I think it, I do not do it.

Well...(said guilt) that's not to say I have *never* done it but there was extenuating circumstances surrounding this particular lapse in judgment. There was a period where this desire was exacerbated by the fact that the majority share holder of my company told me that the city of Irvine actually had a filter center where recycled material was pulled from the regular garbage. (In retrospect: I believe this to be a fiction he told himself to alleviate his own "Green guilt", but lets let the story continue.)

For a few days I bought this, let myself believe him and tossed bottles and cans with reckless abandon into the area 1 bin until of course Sarah caught me doing so and said,

"If Irvine spends millions of dollars pulling bottles and cans from the main garbage why do they put a recycle bin out?".

Her logic was clear, clean and irrefutable. My subsequent and well expected denial followed by research into the "magical factory where hundreds of recycling fairies sift through your garbage and remove paper, glass and plastic for the betterment of mother earth" failed to surface any reliable evidence of a such a fantastic place.

Nevertheless each morning the little demon that lives in my head whispers in the cliche voice that only a demon living in your head would have, "Come on dweeb, you can toss it the close bin....just this one time (jtot, joe. Jtot). Besides - recycling guzzles more petroleum then it saves anyway."

Each morning I almost succumb....but eventually grumble and miserably walk around to the second set of bins, irritated that the 1 bin area is closer to my apartment and that recycling probably *does* use more petroleum then it saves. I'm even further irritated by the fact that I don't really (and probably will never care enough to) know this for certain but have been mentally conditioned by the "planet green" network (which my wife loves) to acquiesce to their demands and purchase overpriced green friendly cleaning products.

Right. So the moral of this story is that even if it *seems* like it's a good cause....it's just disguised consumerism and we're all (even the little demon) just lemmings being manipulated by the media.

Demon lemmings.

Ori is a good friend.

The Watchmen arrived at my house today. Magically. ;)

Reviews to follow.

Friday, September 19, 2008

How to lower expectations for a film in 1 easy step

http://www.miamipoetryreview.com/2008/08/warren_watches_the_watchmen.html

Alright first and foremost - (I'm about to lose more geek points then the Financial sector once I admit this) I have not read The Watchmen. So, let's get the jeers out of the way first.

If you don't know what The Watchmen is, it is a graphic novel written by Alan Moore. It's believe it or not, on Time magazines (and other's) Top 100 list of the best novels of the 20th century. You may not have any respect for time magazine (I don't) but the list is serious stuff (Like Blood Merridian, Snowcrash and Slaughterhouse 5) and "word on the streetz be" that The Watchmen definitely belongs there.

http://www.time.com/time/2005/100books/the_complete_list.html

Here's a little synopsis from the article:

"Watchmen was not only a critical and commercial success--it had the distinct honor of being the only comic book story to win a Hugo Award or to be named as one of the 20th century's Best Novels by Time Magazine--its unique tone began to influence much of contemporary or "pop" entertainment in general."


OKay - so enough pop-culture hero worship on my part. What's this post all about. Well, apparently the Watchmen will be a movie this year directed by Zach Snyder (The 300) and Moore has completely detached himslef from the project. W00t. Yes - I quote:

"What has been unpredictable however, is just how aggressively Moore has distanced himself from the upcoming project. He is demanding that his name be removed and that all royalties are given to artist Dave Gibbons. Moore told reporters that he would not even watch Snyder's interpretation, just as he wasn't planning on watching Terry Gilliam's original remake. Gilliam by the way dropped out of the project, agreeing with Moore that the source material was unfilmable."

And so, to be fair - Can you blame this guy? The 300 sucked a monkey dick. Do you really want Zack Snyder directing something the original author feels is unfilmable? Hi, aren't te good films where the auther is involved in the screenplay?

And Yes....the average moron xbox360 fan boys will call me "gay" online when I tell them that the 300 was basically a homoerotic dance through campy violence, overly dramatized still shots, crappy narration and half naked men that was best digested in the form of its trailer. To which I will reply "u just like movies with lots of abs".

Um, Hi, "Braveheart" is over, it's never coming back, even if Nine-Inch-Nails does your f-ing trailer. ....and truthfully anyone with half a brain knows the 300 did suck and that Zack Snyder is not Chris Nolan. Did the producers of the Watchment maybe step out for Xerces as the six foot 10 guy with mascara who was filmed at an odd camera angles making him look like skeletons from Jason and the Argonauts? They may have possibly missed the "big scary deep voice effect" that was utterly commical and sounded like someone pissed into their speak and spell and then had it go to a bunch of parties in downtown chelsea. So, it was neato sure...but as a film and as a whole it sucked. (see my post on the 300 which I did at my first showing).

Okay, so I don't love Zack Synder. But it's not his fault, it's fucking hollywood. Lets just summarize for a moment: Hollywood has taken - arguably the greatest piece of comic litterature of all time - given it to Zach Snyder. And then...pisses off the original visionary so BADLY that he publicly refuses payment. hmm, How can I alienate my existing fanbase...let me think. Let me think. Oh wait.

Ayfsm?

(That's short for: Are you fucking shitting me?)

Good job hollywood. Here's looking forward to another transforming mountain dew soda machine in Transformers 2. I'm know I'm pumped.

While we're at it why don't we re-write the end of No Country For Old Men so that Llewelyn Moss gets away with the money and uses it to start a midget brothel in las vegas. Then we'll give it to the guy who directed American Pie to film and drive to Cormac McCarthy's house to kick him in the fucking nuts.

I hate the movies.

Oh - and superman the movie sucked.

Thanks to Chris for the link. (You made the blog man!)

Friday, September 12, 2008

There is a place in hell where all you do is try to get your PayPal E-Commerce Account to work

Is it possible for these guys to suck more? I could have 2 monkeys shit in a bag, throw it against the wall and call it an e-commerce merchant sdk and the result would be more effective then the piece of shit nightmare of an experience I'm having now.

Paypal makes the SDK put out by my 5 man development team look like MSDN. (i love msdn, if you don't then you suck.)



Ps

I lost money on those stocks. Don't buy them.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Stock Screener Log

Okay, new post type. I wrote a stock screener this weekend that I think might well be cool. The following is it's list. Note: Don't buy these, I really have no clue this is an experiment and this is just a log so that later I can test my theories. + = good, * = risky, - almost made the list.

-VNUS
WIBC
-TSYS
-SAFT
PICO
PCTI++++
NGA
-NNBR*
-BABY*
NABI
WEL+
FBT++++++
GHM+++
GQ*
-HWK
IBB++
--AZZ+
-BMI+
CHT+
KOF++
-CBD*
-CRY*
DR+++
-SONO

Sunday, August 10, 2008

No More Game Reviews...

I can never again in good conscious review a video game because this guy is just too good at it.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/10-The-Orange-Box

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Disclaimer -

The opinions expressed in this blog represent my own and not those of my employer. This blog is meant to be a comedic look on the world and my life and should not be associated in any way with any corporate entity I am personally affiliated with or owner of.

I will be the first customer.

The next time I play paint ball, I'm bringing a six pack, a lounge chair and letting this thing do the work for me:



props to chris for pointing this out ;)

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Torturing Telemarketers

The phone rings. I note a 1 888 number. It is either XM Satellite radio or the Company Corporation both of who call me religiously at the beginning of every month. I decide which ever it is, I've had enough badgering.

Me: Hello.

Sales Person: Hello, is this Mr. (mispronounces my name by 3 syllables)

Me: Close enough.

Sales Person: Uh, sir I’m calling from XM satellite radio and I’m calling…

Me: (Cutting off) Wait what, you have a satellite I can buy?

Sales Person: Yes sir, we’re calling to…

Me: (Cutting off, again) How much does it cost to launch?

Sales Person: Sir, you can have XM Satellite radio in your car for as little…

Me: Nah, man…I want the satellite. I have a radio already.

Sales Person: Uh, but sir XM Satellite radio offers you (some number) channels of…

Me: Oh, oh…I see you’re not selling satellites. Your selling radios, my bad.

Sales Person: No sir. We’re…

Me: But I don’t have a satellite to put a radio in, I just have a car.

*There is a distinct moment of silence*

Sales Person: Uh, sir XM Radio goes into your car.

Me: Riiiiiight sure it does. How’s that merger going?

Sales Person: Sir would you like an extension of your XM…

Me: What did that take like 2 years. You guys are at 2 bucks a share now?

Sales Person: Are you referring the XM/Sirus merger sir?

Me: That I am.

Sales Person: I’m not really familiar with the details sir.

Me: Gotcha. Well have I wasted enough of your time yet?

Sales Person: No sir, we were just calling you to offer

Me: Well you’ve wasted enough of mine. Can you take me off your list?

*silence*

Sales Person: Yes sir. Thank you for your time and for evalu

*click* *chuckle* *back to work*

It’s the little things.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Dr. Horrible - Must see...

Thanks again to Mike Smith for being my link to the outside world.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/28343/dr-horribles-sing-along-blog

Batman vs Master Chief

[10:06] denis: I took a new step in geekdom yesterday
[10:06] Joe: oh?
[10:06] denis: Debate with nephew, who would an in a fight
[10:06] denis: Batman or masterchief
[10:06] Joe: Masterchief would wreck batman.
[10:06] Joe: That's not even a question.
[10:06] denis: I was almost offended at the question
[10:07] denis: I'm saying
[10:07] Joe: MAsterChief is a cyborg from the future man.
[10:07] denis: 7' 1000 lbs
[10:07] Joe: yea
[10:07] Joe: Now....hold on...
[10:07] denis: Like washington
[10:07] Joe: If Bruce Wayne was alive on earth at the time of the covenant invasion...
[10:07] Joe: well...
[10:08] Joe: HE might actually BE master chief.
[10:08] Joe: So possibly, mute point.
[10:08] Joe: Master Batman
[10:08] Joe: Bruce only has what technology is available to him at the time.
[10:09] denis: Dude, beating up drug addicts in the alley is one thing
[10:09] Joe: Listen, listen....3101 batman would be WAY more bad ass then 2008 batman...as 2008 batman is more bad as then 1950's batman.
[10:09] Joe: Can we agree on that?
[10:09] denis: Fighting the elite and the swarm thing
[10:10] denis: I don't know people are getting more and more gay everyday
[10:11] denis: Batman will be giving blumpkins by 3101
[10:11] Joe: you're not working with me at all.
[10:12] Joe: I'm trying to intellectually speculate on whether a same time era batman could beat up master chielf.
[10:12] denis: That's not what I'm here to do
[10:12] Joe: I agree - MC beats batman, right here right now.
[10:12] denis: Pkay
[10:13] Joe: Just like babe ruth was great, but he wasn't on steroids so he'd get pantsed today.
[10:13] Joe: But...if you took Babe Ruth talent in a 2008 chemically enhanced athlete? I'm thinking....hey, he'd be even better.
[10:14] denis: But I'm not talking a game of gadgets here
[10:14] Joe: yea man, but....BM would be hooked into the cybernetics game. Batman would be all armored and robotics and shit.
[10:15] Joe: Look at batman beyond. That dude has a jet back and lasers.
[10:15] Joe: So, what I'm saying is....it all comes down to heart and determination.
[10:15] denis: Although gentic altering would be legit
[10:15] Joe: If you had Bruce Wayne in his prime, in Spartan armor vs Master Chief...My money is on Wayne.
[10:15] Joe: Wayne's all emo and shit
[10:16] Joe: parents died etc.
[10:16] denis: He has more skill
[10:16] Joe: hell yea man, plus 1000 years of ass kicking experience.
[10:16] Joe: I'm telling you...Master Chief is bruce wayne.
[10:16] Joe: That's the only explanation. Through genetic enhancement, he lives until the covenant invasion, tosses the bat suit and joins the spartans.
[10:17] denis: No man
[10:17] Joe: no?
[10:17] denis: MC is a soldier
[10:17] Joe: yea so?
[10:17] Joe: Are you saying Bruce Wayne couldn't join the army if he thought it would help save the world?
[10:17] Joe: Batman is a ninja soldier.
[10:19] denis: Ninja soldier is a contradiction
[10:19] denis: He's a vigilante
[10:19] denis: watchin gener kill?
[10:20] Joe: no
[10:22] denis: Well, I don't think BW would want to deal with that level of idiocy. Though he moght join the battle as a vigilante
[10:22] Joe: alright...
[10:22] Joe: so BW = MC is a stretch
[10:22] Joe: but the arguement holds true.
[10:22] Joe: modern BW in Spartan armor would kill MC
[10:23] denis: We have clearly surpased yesterdays geekery
[10:23] Joe: dude? BW with active camo and plasma blade? Come on.
[10:23] Joe: That's a shit show.
[10:23] Joe: This is going in my blog.
[10:25] Joe: the real question...
[10:25] Joe: Master Chief vs All four gears of war dudes
[10:27] Joe: Or...
[10:27] Joe: Covenant VS Locust
[10:27] Joe: oooooh
[10:27] Joe: there is something to consider..

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Deebo wins the oscar.

Deebo wins the oscar as far as I’m concerned for his moment in The Dark Knight Returns.

If you don’t know who Deebo is then this post isn’t for you. You need to get learned.



THATS MY BIKE PUNK!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A Tribute to the little things...

This is a small post dedicated to the people who have brought us small things in the world of programming that have helped to reshape and make life better. In most cases these probably didn't make that much money, but they have shaped the digital world.

First: Kent Beck, Erich Gamma, David Saff - for JUnit. How on god's green earth I ever wrote a line of code without unit testing...I do not know. Here is something so basic, so (i hate to say it) stupid in it's simplicity. Before you code, write code based tests. When things fail, add more tests. When you make a change, run tests, know instantly if you fucked something up. Do you remember when you had a QA guy manually testing stuff? How. On. Earth.

Second: Tim Bray (and I guess the www consortium, but history seems to point at Tim as the spearhead) for XML. Another ungodly simple idea. There was a time when the world was like....Hey, I have all this data...I don't know how to give it to my programs so my programs know what the data is....And suddenly this guy said, well...why can't I enclose the data in some describing tags? <yourdataistagged>im data</yourdataistagged>. Oh look, now my program can know what it's data is! Maybe I'll invent SOAP and enable an entire world of inter operating programs! Yay!.

So dumb...yet...so integral. I salute you.

Earthquakes suck

So....Today was my first official earth quake. The building started shaking and I thought to myself recalling first grade data that has laid dormant and used until today, "In event of earthquake - go stand in a door way." This lies just next to the "In the event of nuclear blast - get under your desk". Which is utterly preposterous. (see the Indian Jones for details...fucking George Lucas)

So being a dumb shit, I stand up, walked over to a door way and...well...sat there and waited. As expected, the building continued to shake. As it did I pondered that my building has T-like overhang in the upper floors. Ie, think of a box, then think of a larger box placed on top of the box. This is my building. I am on the floor just underneath the larger box.

As I stood there I said to myself, "Why am I in this fucking doorway?!?!...I'm on the bottom of the T. What the hell is a doorway going to do if this thing comes down??!?!". At that moment, it occurred to me that if I was going to die, I was going to die feeling like a total dope.

Then it stopped. Suffice to say: Earthquakes suck.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I have watched Batman two times.

I have not seen a movie two times in the theatre since I was twelve.

It's that good.

Monday, July 21, 2008

procrasterbation

I'm not trying to tell you what you did or didn't do. I'm just saying if you did something, and you didn't do something else, you might have procrasterbated.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

BOOM - Get some!

Oil Drops by Most in 17 Years

Friday, July 11, 2008

I am sprung. Again, I am sprung

http://www.gametrailers.com/player/35942.html

Thank you to Mike Smith for sharing.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

BioShock Continues to Rock....I am sad now that it is gone.

Bioshock is awesome. Omg, you must play Bioshock.

Awesome twist. Great (multiple) ending.

Omg. If you consider yourself a gamer. You must. Must. MUST. Play Bioshock.

Imagine a world where bacon was healthy....

[20:57] Chris: http://www.baconsaltblog.com/images/2008/05/10/baconhealthchart.jpg




[21:15] Chris: Imagine a world where bacon was healthy....

[21:16] Joe: CHRIS
[21:16] Joe: YOU MADE THE BLOG AGAIN
[21:16] Chris: sweet
[21:17] Joe: you weren't going to get it on just the image...
[21:18] Joe: but
[21:18] Joe: "imagine a world where bacon was healthy" is fucking hysterical
[21:18] Chris: A man can dream.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Bioshock is the greatest game of all time

Okay, I'm a little late to the party on this one. And actually Gears of War is the greatest game of all time, but if Gears is a 10, Bioshock is a 9.9 and it is only a 9.9 due to the lack of multiplayer. If Bioshock built cool multiplayer into the game I would need to tack on 5 points to the 9.9 and the scale would break and life as we know it would end the space time continuum rupturing into a spray of not quite finite irrational numbers and general mathematical debris.

So, I'm not quite done with Bioshock but here is why it rocks:

1) Brilliant game play - The "plasmid" power ups you find create some really interesting problem solving scenarios. The game essentially pours you into situations full of traps and creepy enemies with serious neurosis. You essentially need to fight, think and hack your way from scenario to scenario leveraging a set of weapons (right hand) and a set of plasmid genetic alterations in you left hand. Plasmids are things like torches, freezy blasts, hypnosis, and hallucinations. Cool stuff that affects the world around you and your enemies in really creative ways. For example freezing machinery makes it easier to assess and hack (hackings are small puzzles) and setting your enemies on fire will cause them to freak out, search frantically for and jump into pools. The AI is by far the BEST I have yet to see in a game. All enemies have scripted behaviors as they go through their daily lives in Rapture (the game setting). That is, until they see you.

Not only that, but their vocal response to things you do or things they just pop out as cantrips and the like add so completely and utterly to the survival horror aspects of the game that I'm having trouble finding the words to properly describe them. Essentially, someone sat around and documented the ugliest and most common things that dysfunctional americans would say behind closed doors and crammed them all into this video game. It fits very well in the post-capitalism gone wild dysotopia that is Rapture. Rapture is formed in the 30's and it's story spans into the 50's the environment, decor, manner of speaking....It's all perfect and utterly unique and refreshing. If you're tired of demons, aliens and wizards this game is must.

2) Cinematic attention to scripted events that end up it utterly bone-chilling moments – There were at least 3 moments of this game where I stopped, put the controller down and said “wtf, did that just really happened?”

3) Grade A voice acting + script that leaves you with actual *gasp dare I say it* an emotional response to the content.

4) Substance. The game borrows heavily from themes from Ayn Rand and the period of history in which she wrote. It's almost like some of the characters from Atlas Shrugged went off to form the warped world of Rapture (setting for the game) and become horribly genetically twisted messes as their ideals get corrupted. Everything is gilded age design and it makes for a world that is refreshing and new from a gamer's perspective as it is horrifyingly twisted and very scary. I'm still trying to figure out if the game supports unbridedled capitalism or warns against it, the story is that good.

Anyway, this game is creative genius. A must play.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

A nothing post...

This is just a random musing. I recall when I was kid watching Tom + Jerry that at some point Jerry dropped and anvil on Tom's head and little animated stars started floating around Tom's head. He was "seeing stars". I recall as a child being baffled by this and wondering exactly why they chose to use the animated stars and why exactly we said people were "seeing stars" after they took a hard shot to the head.

Fast forward 10+ years. I'm in highschool playing football. Some big dude cracks me really hard and I blink a few times and there are little white dots floating around my field of vision. I pause for a moment before the discovery dawns on me and a decade old mystery of my youth unravels..."Hey wait...Those look like stars...Ah, I get it now.".

For some reason I feel compelled to document this.

Friday, June 27, 2008

A Crack in the Wall...

Ori is a vegetarian since I can remember.



[07:14] Ori : so i had wegu beef last night
[07:14] Ori : sushi
[07:14] Ori : it might be a getway drug
[10:01] Joe: ?
[10:01] Joe: What the hell is a getaway drug?
[10:02] Joe: heh
[10:02] Joe: hahahaha
[10:02] Joe: oh....gateway
[10:02] Joe: dude, meat is good.
[10:02] Joe: Go get yourself a bacon and egg omlete
[10:03] and see wtf happens to your tastebuds...
[12:06] Ori : as part of that meal I also ate the head of a snapper
[12:06] Ori : delightful
[12:07] Joe: Be sure...steak tastes better then fish heads.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Learning to behave oneself

Since moving to California, I have been forced to meet new people. Now, normally you wouldn't consider that this is a difficult thing. But it is if you are me. See, the issue my core group of friends in New York (some who are scattered about now) consists around 10 people give or take and each of them is as much of complete monkey, knuckle-head as I am.

Short story: We have a lot of fun and politeness, general following of social customs and in some cases obeying of societal laws (Um...Josh?) does not usually get in the way. If they are not as bad as I am, then they are actually worse (Mike Dolan).

The general thing that happens when having such a close group of friends as this, is that:

a) You are generally free to be a complete gorilla at any given point in time because they are in fact also gorillas, will understand gorilla-like behavior, and in fact are normally encouraging said activities.

b) Anyone who is brought into the circle as a new comer either is alreay, quickly reveals themselves to be or becomes a gorilla after a specified time period. If this doesn't happen they are quickly weeded out as undesirables. A firm example of this is new comer Mr. Mace who blended wonderfully with the chaos on our last family trip.

While this has certain side effects like Brett Miller (in general) or Josh being arrested for breaking into and sleeping in a strangers house....It's generally the way my life has been lived and I have been happy.

But, I realized after a short time of being outside this circle of trust (while in california) just how odd we may be. To be fair, it was obvious way before this...it's just more emphasized now) In fact, at our last family gathering (Mike's Bachelor party) I found myself saying, "Most people do not behave this way. We are an anomaly."

Now the main problem is every time I go to a summer time bbq with quote, unquote "normal people", I find myself wanting to do heineken keg stands and punch my head through a wall, but I have to restrain myself to talking about baseball, stay reasonably sober and trying to pretend that I actually care about what sort of rugs they're picking out.

I need a fight club. *sigh*

Saturday, June 14, 2008

omg! Video games are fucking up my kids!

No. You are fucking up your kids. Why would you buy GTA4 for a 10 year old?

Wtf is wrong with people? You might as well just hand your kids a copy of Goodfellas, or porn for that matter. This is a very simple statement, if you wouldn't let your kids see a very violent R rated crime drama, DONT BUY GTA4 FOR YOUR KIDS.

More importantly...Don't let your kids play GTA4 ONLINE. It's even worse. Do you really want your kids talking to 35 yr old drunk red necks who play video games on saturday nights?

The other day I'm playing GTA4 multiplayer. And the following goes down. It's 11PM on saturday (I hath no life), I'm in the middle rocketing a passing car and I hear the tell tale squeaking, mickey mouse voice of a child in the sea of cursing and shit talking that characterizes an online GTA4 death match :


Random Red Neck Guy: You dirty dick sucker!

Kid: Fuck you.

Joe (Astounded): Wait...hold on there.

Random Red Neck (who is obviously totally drunk): God fucking damn it!

Joe (Still trying to process this): Hold up! Wait, wait. Was that kid? What the hell. Kid how old are you?

Kid: Shut up dick wad. I'm 10.

[Silence]

Joe: What? I'm calling social services *right* now. Why are you playing this game? Where the hell are your parents?

Kid: My Dad's in jail and my mom's working.

Random Red Neck (who is obviously totally drunk): Hahaha! Is your mom a stripper?!

Kid: No!

Random Red Neck 2 (Laughing): Oh yea she is! Your mom's on a table right now kid!

Joe: There are hookers in this game. Who buys this game for their kids?

Radom Red Neck: His mom's probably a hooker.

Kid: My mom is not a hooker.

Random Red Neck 2: I'd buy this game for my kids. I don't give a fuuuuuuuck!

Joe: Jesus. This kid has no fucking shot. Listen, kid, you need to shut this game off right now, and go watch Sesame Street or read a book or something.

Kid: Suck a dick. (I'm not kidding, a ten year old told me this)

Random 3rd person: Maybe you should think about not cursing.

Joe (shrugging): Whatever, Rated M for mature man....There's a label on this thing.

Random Red Neck 2: Kid, where does your mom work, I want to go see her.

[This continues for some time until I turn the game off. It gets much, much worse.]


So, case in point. Just don't do it. Don't buy GTA for your kids.

Hulk vs Iron Man

So, the critics loved Iron Man. It had an outstanding rating of 93% on rottentomatoes.com (which is the greatest movie rating site of all time).

Yet, the Hulk took a bit of a beating 64%. What confuses me is that these films weren't all that different. I do think Iron Man was the better super hero saga, but I'm not sure it was 30 percentages points worth of better. It makes me wonder what drives these things.

So allow me to debunk or support some of the criticisms of the film:'

Q: Omg the hulk looks like a big stupid cartoon.
A: Well, yea he does. But look, you're going to see a movie about a man who transforms into a giant green bullet proof monster and never loses his pants. You have two choices, a cartoon-ish thing. Or well...Lou Ferrigno. Take your pick, bud. I'll take a cartoon pulling a helicopter out of the sky. In case you aren't able to make up your mind, let me help you along: http://youtube.com/watch?v=pKMCUtfgheA


Q: The Liv Tyler/Ed Norton Chemistry is off
A: It is...in one scene. Other then that their spot on and, dude it's Liv Tyler. Shut up, she's hawt.

Q: Too many loose ends, not enough summary/explanation
A: This is true. The overall flow and character development of Tony Stark is definitively better in Iron Man. But the Hulk is at a bit of a disadvantage here in that we start half-way through the transformation process. The idea here that didn't get enough flesh is the David Banner goes from someone who is constantly searching for a cure to this disease he has to embracing it as something that can help people if can learn to control it. All great super hero stories are about transformation. You have to start as something and become something else and the audience will love you. That's why the first installment is always the best. (that and the budgets get slashed to boost profitability down the line). The transformation of Tony Stark is the central theme of his plot, the transformation of David Banner is a garnish.

That said, the action sequences in the Hulk are awesome. The first scene where he's shadowed is top of the line. The later scenes where he's fighting in the park are amazing and the last fight with Abomination is grade A monster movie stuff. Anyway, I really enjoyed it and would give at LEAST 85%.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

For the love of god will someone please kill George Lucas?

So, apparently GL rejected an Indiana Jones script written by Frank Darabont (Shawshank Redemption) because it was too dark. Instead we get crystal aliens. nuclear blast, helpful monkeys and bad russian accents.

I'm sorry, what about insane indian brain-washing, heart extracting cult leaders(Temple of Doom) isn't dark? I want my childhood back you bastard.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Positive Things GTA 4 will teach your kids

In response to some bad press the poor guys at Rockstar are getting (hard to feel bad with 500 million in sales on their opening week) I've decide to point out the a list of things that will have a positive benefit on young children playing grand theft auto.

Upside: The things you think about doing when driving a real car will most likely end with disastrous effects on your health. GTA teaches children that doing 110 in a car and slamming into someone else will likely cause your car to get eviscerated.

Downside: Though your car is totalled, you yourself will survive unscathed. If you don't, it will only cost you $1000.00 to be back on your feet.


Upside: Jacking a car will make police want to kill you teaching us that crime does not come without it's consequences.

Downside: Making a few strategic turns off the main roads will exonerate you of any crime. Police also seem to care more about the stolen car then they do the fact that the stolen car is driving down the side walk mowing down pedestrians.


Upside: Driving a motorcycle at high speeds through on coming traffic is infinitely more dangerous then driving a car at high speeds through on coming traffic.

Downside: It is also infinitely more fun. It's especially fun to see how far you can fling yourself by driving at very high speeds into the cars in front of you. Getting wrapped around a telephone pole is amusing as well.


Upside: Shooting a cop in the face makes other cops REALLY want to kill you. The more cops you kill, the angrier they will become. Again, we're back to law and consequences.

Downside: It also happens to be very fun for cops to chase you around the city and the fastest way to get this point is to well...well..shoot a cop in teh face.


Upside: Crashing your car into a cop car is grounds to be arrested. Law and consequences?

Downside: It seem that as long as you don't crash into a police car, you can pretty much disregard traffic laws and run random people over without penalty.



Upside: Picking up hookers on the street and having sex with them in your car gets boring after 1 or 2 times (maybe 3). Thus generally indicating that a life of fornicating with prostitutes can be empty and unfulfilling.

Downside: It seems have random sex with street walkers miraculously heals any physical ailments as if you were touched by the messiah and is a pretty good way to get focused for your next mission. You win some, you lose some.



Upside: You can get two strippers to make out in front of you if you give them $250 dollars.

Downside: I'm sorry? Is there a downside to this?


Upside: Williamsburg Hipsters are completely ridiculous.
Downside: None?

At long last...Grand Theft Auto 4

So, I beat GTA4. Do I think it is worth the 10 out 10 that it has received across the board? Hmmm. Sort of. Heres my Q+A:

Q: On a scale of 1-10 is it the best GTA of all time?
A: Yes, this is the greatest GTA. No GTA comes close. 10.

Q: On a scale of 1-10 is it the best game of all time? Worthy of the praise it has received in the media?
A: Sort of...but it irritates me to say that because it missed the bullseye in multiple places. That said, what it does it does so well that it makes up for all the little annoyances.

Q: Is the world an incredibly detailed sarcastic replica of NYC?
A: Yea, 10 out of 10 for attention to detail. It is a piece of art.

Q: Will you never encounter duplicate models as advertised?
A: No, this is bullshit. This version suffers from the same "I'm in car A so all I see is car A everywhere" syndrome all the other games have suffered from.

Q: Did they mature the wanted code?
A: Yea, but as much fun as it is, it still sort of lacks.

Q: I heard the targeting was better? Is it?
A: Meh. Yea, it's better, but it still sucks. You still move around like a robot and it's all still very jerky. They tried to pull off gears of war style shoot and cover mechanics, but it comes off clunky because the enemy AI is so prim.

Q: How is the AI?
A: The driver AI is sick as always. The combat AI is still suckitude. Dudes just stand there and shoot at you with shot guns from across the board with no chance of hitting you and let you snipe them. They do take cover...but in completely predictable patterns. Suffice to say, once you have a sniper rifle the game is a breeze.

Q: Is it challenging?
A: Yes, but in the most annoying way possibly. Essentially as you progress through the game GTA lays on more and more complex missions which are essentially the previous missions (chase a car, kill a guy, fight some dudes) and puts them together into longer + longer pieces. The thing is, someone forgot to tell these monkey-dicks what a "check point" is. Essentially you do a 10 minute drive across the city to get to a point where the mission starts. You then end up in a 35 minute motorcycle chase which ends and leads into a 15 minute firefight with 20 dudes and if you die in fire fight...yes you are starting THE ENTIRE THING over. wtf is that shit? I'm 32 man, I have shit to do. Give me a god-damn check point. Other then that things get pretty repetitious save for a couple of "break things up" missions.

Q: How is Multiplayer?

A: Awesome if you can get it to work. I tried to play with Karl and we spent 20 minutes getting disconnected from one another.

A: Awesome if you can find some people to play with. Unfortunately the city is so big that if there are 3 of you playing you see each other once a week. Games that are more then 5 people seem pretty infrequent, and are usually death match...which sucks. The game's strengths are the multiplayer options where they set up a common goal and you all compete to achieve it. This leads to death match situations, but alot more driving, chasing, shooting. It's way better then everyone running around in a dead zone shooting at one another in an "get the best weapon" the quickest. GTA was meant for car chases, the weapon mechanics have always and still suck it.

Q: I heard the story is amazing?
A: Meh. It's alright. It's not Knights of the Old Republic and doesn't come close to the script from Mass Effect. It's a bit disconnected and the ending is a bit lack luster. A lot happens but it doesn't seem to tie together. The game tries to create an in depth look at the protagonist who is obviously a sociopath and attempts to paint him has having a conscious with the goal of showing some sort of humanistic graspings at redemption for evil his deeds which he feels are beyond his control. You know the drill, personal growth, the futility of revenge, any one can change yada yada yada. But to be fair...meh...cut out all the emo-shit and let me blow something up. Catharsis doesn't translate well into multiple car chase missions.

That said, I think I've watched "Republican Space Rangers" on my virtual apartment's TV 100 times. Never gets old. Pure genius.

Q: Is it fun?
A: Loads. It excels where GTA always has. Bored? Shoot a cop in the face, chase ensues. The social commentary is as always....AMAZINGLY WELL DONE. You can listen to the GTA radio for hours on end and continue to chuckle and the clever takes on reality. I can't get enough of williamsburg hipster jokes. You have no idea how happy it makes me that they put this in the game.

Q: Lots of play time?
A: Loads. It took me a long time to finish. It starts to get old, but it ends before it gets really tiring. There's almost too much stuff in this game.

Q: How are the strip clubs and hookers?
A: Awesome.

Q: I heard people were outraged by the content. Should I let my kids play it?
A: Absolutely. Buy it for them today. Under 5? Definitely, give them this instead of sesame street. While you're at it, make sure you buy your kids a copy of GoodFellas, maybe a few slasher movies.

So, all in all...I'd give it a 10. To be fair, it didn't meet expectations. However, if it's any indication just how much fun this game is, with every gripe I posted above, it's still a 10.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Why I married Sarah:

Sarah is watching "The Girls Next Door" a show about Hugh Hefner and his live in girl friends.

Joe (walking in): If I'm getting dumber watching you watch that, I can't imagine what's happening to you.

Sarah (with a grumble): I'm waiting for it to end so I can watch John Stewart. There's nothing else on.

(Something is said on the TV, I cannot recall what, but it's so dumb, I don't believe my vocabulary is refined enough to describe it. No word comes to mind which can capture the effect of hearing it. It does truly rob one of intellect.

I am quite sure, that were I to take an IQ test prior to hearing one of the girls next door discuss Hef's birthday party and then take one after said conversation, that my test results would be lower as a direct result of my brain being dulled by the moronic babbling emanating from my television.

That said...they all have great cans. God bless America.)

Joe: Wow, she just said that.

Sarah: To be fair, that's pretty much the pinnacle of existence for dumb sluts. I mean, if you're just taking your clothes off and blowing old dudes for a living this is pretty much as good at it gets.

Joe: She's like at the CEO level for strippers.

Sarah: She's a fucking stripper movie star man.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Fun Halo Moments:

While playing halo, over the voice channel.

Karl: (pulling up with a wart hog) Quick get in!

Joe: (getting on the gun) Okay, okay...but why don't you let me drive, you don't drive so...

(Karl has barley moved the wart hog and flips it over a nearby rock)

Karl: Um, hmm yea. You drive.

*********************

Joe: Chris you just save my life!

Chris: As I recall, I believe that I now own your life.

Karl: Heck of lot that will get you.

Chris: Hmm, I could just boil him down for oil.

Karl: You might be able to get something for all the meat.

Joe: You could actually sheer me down once a month and sell the hair to a wig maker for african americans.

Karl: That's fucked up.

**************

Sarah (to Denis): Does Ori has a hand cannon! Tell him to get in the car and it will be the three of us and his hand cannon!

Denis: (through the channel sarah is on I can't hear it, but she cracks up): I don't think Joe appreciates all the attention your giving Ori's hand cannon.

Joe: (glances at sarah who is now laughing): I know exactly where that went.

Sarah: (Continues to laugh) Yes, yes it did.

No Complaints...

My wife woke up this morning in so much pain that she was on the floor in fetal crying. I rushed her to the hospital and after hours of diagnosis and navigating hospital bureaucracy it ends up only being a kidney stone (which sucks for her, but I was worrying for the worst).

Nothing like realizing you are in the middle of California with no family or friends, you never really took note on the location of any hospitals, your phone is back at the apt and your GPS first takes you to a medical center without an ER. Lovely. (Note to self: While you're at it, put a fire extinguisher in your kitchen and flash light in your closet.) What was that boy scout saying? Something about being prepared? Hmm. Code less, think more.

Any way, quite a scare. Certainly puts things in perspective. If you still have your health, you're all good. On that note, enough with the seriousness and back to the jackassery. Here is the humorous silver lining to an otherwise stressful Saturday:

****

In the hospital (post diagnosis, less stress):

Scan Lady: You ever have any kids?

Sarah: No, not yet.

Scan Lady: Well, I have 3 and I've had a kidney stone and if I had the choice between a kidney stone and giving birth, I'd give birth.

****

In the car (pre diagnosis - no idea what the deal is... very stressed):

Sarah (in a lot of pain): You really have to slow down.

Joe: Don't sweat it, I've been playing grand theft auto, I have this down.

Sarah: (in pain) Oh god...

****

(a guy in the ER can be heard screaming bloody murder, telling the cops (who I guess are restraining him) that he's going to kill them and is growling like an animal)

Joe (to the nurse): What the hell is going on in there?

Nurse:(looking over his shoulder as if it was nothing, continues to adjust sarah's IV who is now totally high on morphine and very happy) Hmmm? Oh that. Hallucinogens or something.

Joe: Wow, really? I guess they weren't kidding in drug ed.

Nurse: Yea. You can always tell when the good drugs are in town.

I pause, I'm not sure how to respond, so I don't.

****

Doctor: Have you ever given birth?

Sarah: No...

Doctor: Well wait to you do. Much, much worse.

Sarah: (curiously) That's odd, the cat-scan lady said the stone was much worse.

Doctor: Really? My mom had a stone and she said it was nothing compared to giving birth.

Sarah: Odd...

Doctor: I guess it depends on the size of things.

Joe (chuckles)

Sarah: She meant the size of the stone, not the size of the vagina you child.

Joe (blushes, shifts uncomfortably, she's got me there): Ah. Right.

The doctor seems to pretend not to have heard this and goes on to talk about her mom.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Drunkeness, Airplanes, Love and Man Tits

I had a 2 hour wait for my flight in oakland. So I watched the lakers game in the airport and had a few drinks. Then they gave me free drink vouchers for the plane. Before I knew it, I was totally faced. My ride home from the airport ensues.


(Cell Phone)
Joe: Yo, Where are you? I'm sitting outside.

Sarah: Um, I just left you only called me a moment ago.

Joe: It feels like forever.

Sarah: Are you drunk?

Joe: No....

Sarah: Jesus...your totally drunk.

Joe: I'm totally faced.

Sararh: Jesus.

Joe: It wasn't my fault, this old lady kept feeding me shots. More importantly where are you? I need side streets.

Sarah: Side Streets?

Joe: Yes. As in, rattle them off so I know how close you are.

Sarah: I have to concentrate!

Joe: Okay, concentrate on giving me the side streets while I sit on this curb like a drunk homeless guy!

Sarah: Grr..

Joe: Um, drunk, side walk, homeless....side streets please.

Sarah: Fine! Alton.

Joe: Jesus thats far. Run some lights for me for fucks sake. I'm out here all alone.

Sarah: Don't be a baby.

Joe: You're not on micheleson yet? Jesus.

Sarah: You're such a baby.

Joe: I'm not being a baby, I'm sacrificing. Would you sacrifice for me? You're not going to run a few lights for my love?

Sarah: Um, I'd rather not get pulled over.

Joe: Oh, so you wouldn't you go to jail for my love?

Sarah: What?

Joe: Um, very simple, would you go to jail in the name of love?

Sarah: Why would I go to jail? What does love have to do with Jail.

Joe: For Love. 80's rock ballad love. If you don;t know, then I can't teach you.

Sarah: What did I do to end up in jail?

Joe: Are you saying you wouldn't go to jail for like....6months for my love?

Sarah: No, I'm asking why I would have to go to jail for love?

Joe: Why wouldn't you have to go to jail for love?

Sarah: Well...

Joe: (cutting off) Let me put this another way. I'm asking you if you would go to jail for six months for my love, and you are essentially asking me if there were "extenuating circumstances" around your incarceration. That's not making me feel very good about your level of commitment to this relationship.

Sarah: Okay, well..What did you do that would put me in jail?

Joe: Why is it always my fault?

Sarah: Well why else would I be in jail?

(this continues and sarah shows up, I get in the car)

Sarah: Um, well would you go to jail for 6mo for my love?

Joe: Hell no!

Sarah: Why not!?

Joe: Um, totally different. There's no penetration in women's prison. Worst case you have to eat few boxes. I have to...well...get penetrated.

Sarah: Thats ridiculous!

Joe: Maybe to you.

Sarah: Your drunk.

Joe: (feeling sarah's arm) And you're all muscle there, Sarah Conner. Look at these guns you're all ass kicking and cyborg and shit.

Sarah: Ugh, shut up.

Joe: So wait, I just made the greatest T2 reference ever and that's your response?

Sarah: (giggles, but is still hating on me) You're drunk, we have nothing to discuss.

Joe: It wasn't my fault, there was an old lady bartender and she fell in love with my charms. I ordered a drink and she poured me two!

Sarah: I'm sure you just ordered one....

Joe: She wanted my man tits! It's not my fault. I was birthed with these.

Sarah: Whatever.

Joe: She wanted a nibble...There was nothing I could do. How could I not trade a nibble of man boob for some scotch!

Sarah: Can we not talk about 80 year old women nibbling on your man boob please?

Joe: Oh I'm sorry. You're probably aroused or jealous of such talk.

Sarah: Um, no.

Joe: So are you aroused or jealous, or both?

Sarah: Um, neither.

Joe: Sorry, binary question with a tertiary possibility. Possible answers are, a) aroused, b) jealous or c) All of the above.

Sarah: Neither.

Joe: So both. That's fine and expected.

Sarah: Whatever...

Joe: But don't worry. Under these man boobs is a heart, and this heart belongs to you baby.


Sarah: Give me a break already...

Monday, May 26, 2008

How can you fuck up Indian(a) Jones?

Star Wars was one thing. But Indy? Come on....you dicks. Must you really destroy every mythic icon of my childhood?

An era has ended. I can never bring myself to see anything that has Lucas or Spielberg attached to it. A line needs to be drawn and I'm drawing it. Consider this a Lucasberg ban. Permanent until we see something that doesn't completely shit the bed the adult audiences by adding heroic monkeys or Jar Jar Binks.

Indy = Teh Suk. If you have 3/4 of a brain in your head see Iron Man, save yourself 20 bucks and the inevitable, "Oh for fucks sake he didn't just...son of...I hate you Spielberg you bastard."

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The world has gone mad....


Okay, so as part of the "project creation" page of Rentacoder.com, the following question is posted as a "must" answer:


* Do you understand that it's wisest to multiply any coder estimate by either 5 or 2 to get a more realistic estimate?


>>>Yes.


>>>No.


If you answer No, the site will walk you an explanation of why technology estimates are shitty.



Classic.


Saturday, May 17, 2008

OMG - GOW2 might have just made my dick hard

I originally downloaded this off xbox live. I think I might have found an alternative to women.

http://www.gametrailers.com/player/33780.html


Okay 5 points you MUST note:

1) The swarm (SWARM) of locust....Are you f-ing kidding me? Did you see how many fucking locust there were down there? Do you know how many Poly's that is?!?!?! Part of the unreal demo was a swarm but it was doubted it would be in the game, but it's THERE!!!! SWARMS! AWESOME!

2) New Guns!!!!

3) Human Shield move he pulls off with the Locust

4) The big monster thing

5) Chainsaw fight.

I cannot wait for this game to come out.

Fun at self checkouts

I found that these new self-checkouts have an amusing angle to them.

On one hand, they "people-less" so there is some level of trust. On the other hand, they ask you to sign your credit card receipt. So a thought occurred to me...

Isn't the "person" at the checkout counter supposed to check your Credit Card signature with your physical signature? I remember people actually used to do this when I was kid. Now, no one seems to care.

Which is fine by me...I've always thought signature checking was a joke and my CC should just my DMV photo on there. But it's even more ludicrous when I roll up to a machine and it asks me for a digital copy.

So, my new rule of thumb is that whenever presented with a digital signature pad, I do one of the following:


1) Draw a penis.




2) Draw a smiley face getting his brains blown out.





3) Write: "YAY!!!!"




4) Write: "You luv mans butt!"




Amongst other amusing items. It's the little things that keep me going.

It occurred to me at home depot with Sarah. We were buying something to run cables to my server. I was checking out and suddenly *BANG* I thought, "Hey, I don't really have to sign this do I?"

I called her over to show her the dick and balls I had drawn on pad. Her response was , "What is wrong with you?"

muhahahaha. I can only hope someone actually does look at these, but my feeling is they are stored in a Visa database somewhere.

Adventures Acquiring Grand Theft Auto

Adventures Acquiring Grand Theft Auto


I go into a best buy, I'm a little drunk. Probably not the best time to be shopping for video games. This was right around when GTA4 is coming out and I'm pumped up on the promise of mindless violence and digital strippers. (I'm married, what can I say...This is a high point for me.)

I walk into best buy strut up to the counter with Sarah and the fun begins:

Joe: Hey, I need a copy of GTA4

Best Buy Counter Kid (BBCK): For Xbox360 or PS3?

Joe: Xbox360

BBCK: We're all sold out.

Joe (peeking over the BBCK's shoulder to see many copies of GTA4 on the shelf): Oh? Yet I seem to be seeing many a green box there yonder.

BBCK (Turning and looking at the boxes): Those are on reserve.

Joe: They probably won't show up to get those.

BBCK: YEa, but I still can't sell you one.

Joe: Okay, are there any others in the area?

BBCK: Let me check. (he goes into his little Best Buy system and pulls something up). Actually looks like most everyone is sold out except for..(he rattles off some town...I have no idea where it is)

Joe: Hmm. Gotcha. Right, but...I mean one of those could just "fall" off the reserve shelf and end up in the normal pile right?

Sarah: Oh my god, don't listen to him....he's ridiculous

BBCK: (Glances at the games, shift uncomfortably)

Joe: I'm just saying there's a 20 spot in my pocket and that could "fall" out too...you know?

Sarah: Will you stop?

BBCK: Man, I'd like to help you....

Joe: Okay, okay. Sorry....What about 40?

Sarah: Stop it!

BBCK: Sorry man,

Joe: That's okay....I was only half kidding.

(Sarah drags me away)

Joe: 60! 60!!!!

(Deciding the other best buy is too far away, we go across the street to circuit city. Where IMMEDIATELY there are like 100 copies. I am pumped)


Joe: (walking up to the counter with sarah) Good thing I didn't pay that guy.

Sarah: You are too much.

Joe (to the Circuit City Counter Girl (CCCG)): Alright, I'm ready for GTA.

CCCG: Oh? I thought we were sold out.

Joe: No way, there are like 100 copies over there.

CCCG: Really? Wow, I've been telling people that come in and call we were sold out.

Joe (arches a brow at Sarah): Remind me to sell my Circuit City Stock.

Sarah: Cut it out. (to CCCG) Ignore him...

CCCG: Oh, Don't do that. Here's a giftcard!

Joe: Great now you're giving away money. This is a well oiled machine.

CCCG: (Calling out to another employee (AE)) Did you know we had GTA copies over there?

AE (shouting back): No. We do?

CCCG: Yea...

Joe: You know, if I knew you guys didn't know there were any copies I would have just shop lifted it.

Sarah: (Just sighs as CCCG rings us up)

CCCG: Hahaha (with a shy laugh, not sure how to react)

Joe: Heh. You're laughing, but I'm totally not kidding. You're lucky you have that magneticy thing on there.

CCCG: (less laughter) Hehe

Joe: Yea.


Sarah and I walk out giggling.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Chris makes the blog again!


http://brandonsmind.com/post/31522690

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Brilliant flash game

http://www.jmtb02.com/flash/compulse.htm


oh, the time that I will waste.

Monday, April 07, 2008

In the immortal words of Mister Wu

"San Francisco Cock Sucker!" (if you don't get it, see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadwood_(TV_series)

"Al Swearengen negotiates with George Hearst on behalf of Mr. Wu, and they agree that Wu can regain his status if his people prove to be better workers than the people employed by Lee, the "San Francisco cocksucker". Mr. Wu, along with Swearengen's henchman, plan vengeance in Deadwood's Chinatown. The operation is successful and Wu slits the throat of his rival, Lee."

If you haven't seen deadwood, all of this is lost on you. Anyway...onto the point.

Google is blocking my IP for power crawling them. (to be fair, google's main office isn't in sanfran it's in mountain view, but Mister Wu is funny anyway). Mother fathers. I'm so irritated, I wasn't even hitting it hard and I'm using the results for an experiment that will clearly benefit mankind. Bastards. Essentially their entire business is built off of spidering sites on the net, but if you are to try and crawl them...shut down. Which is understandable I guess...You do have to protect yourself from heavy loads etc.

Yet this leaves experimenters like myself in a shitty predicament. Google, yahoo, Live and Ask are essentially a "web-db" of content and if you want to crawl them you're out in the cold. I can only imagine what sort of inventions and AI are NOT being invented because that data is closed off from spiders. I know mine is on hold.

Well, not one to take this sort of thing laying down, I did some research. It seems, that most search engines (and there are many) all seem to stem from the results of the 4 big ones. Google, Yahoo, Live and Ask.

So stuff like Myriad, WebCrawler, Lycos, Excite, Aol, Dogpile etc all either aggregate or sub license the search results of those 4. Which is interesting because after a few minutes, I have already found nearly 50.

Google shut me down after sending 200 consecutive requests to them. The ban seemed to last for about an hour. But, if I have a list of 50 sub-engines all with similar results...well..hmm..Then in truth, I only really need to send 4 requests to each sub.

What an interesting concept for an opensource project.

Take that monopolistic fuckwads.

Sleep.

Last night I went to bed at 10pm. I woke up at 7:30. I was in work by 9. At some point, I said to myself as I sat up (before my alarm went off, which was set of 8), "Wow, I don't feel like shit."

That is approximately 9 1/2 hours of sleep. If I seriously need 10 hours of sleep a night just so I don't feel like a bag of elephant crap slung out into the sun...

Life is unfair.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Google Spreadsheets is a sham


I have a tab delimited file...it's 332 kb. Google spreadsheets comes to a firey and unadulterated javascript crunch as it attempts to handle it.


Uh, 332 kb? Yea, don't sell off all your MSFT stock yet. The thick client has not gone away yet people.


The other day someone told me that software licensing, the style that my company works on is going to die off eventually, because soon all of the software you use will be on the web.


Well, yes and no. Yes: Most stuff will be on the web. But, anyone who firmly believes that EVERYTHING you will ever do will be web based (ie, no thick client required) need only upload a 5 mb spreadsheet to google docs. High end crunching software will never go away. Yes, these things will use the web, IE games will be MMOS etc, Docs will let you save on line etc. But we are not looking at an ajax browser based world.


If anything, Microsoft's newest strategy for online-service enabling thick client office is the way of the future. Things like slide replacing photoshop...not so much.


Now, a mechanism for deploying thick clients right through the browser, fast and safely. Maybe.


More geeky interviews gone bad....


Some additional things I recall about that interview,


***********************************************

More tech questions post the "pwd" question. I'm trying to give him a chance.


Joe: How do I get a list of processes?


Person (confidently): In SSH.


Joe (optimistic): Yes.


Person: Uh....Hmmm. I really don't know.


Joe (thinks to himself: What exactly do you know? Instead says): Okay. Thats fine.


***********************************************


Joe: So...you have some experience with VMs? Have you ever admined VM Servers?


Person: Yes. I used to set VMs up on VM Servers.


Joe: Cool. Were you responsible for the cage infrastructure where the servers were?


Person: Yes.


Joe: What did the network look like?


Person: Hmm?


Joe: Like...what did the network look like, what firewall did you use, switches etc


Person: Um, I don't know, I wasn't responsible for that stuff.


[I just inhale for a moment, thinking that I should do my best to be nice]


Joe (thinks: Whoever sent this guy here is fired.): Okay, I see.


************************************************


Post hanging up the phone and trying to be polite:


Joe: Yea, I think you might be a little light on the linux side.


Person: What do you mean too light? How so?


Joe (I am completely floor that this guy is asking me this): Like, you told me you were an 8 and then you didn't know how to get your present working directory or list processes. That makes me say "meh." It's basic stuff. I don't know anything about linux and I know that.


Person (looking abashed): Oh...I see.


Joe: I'm just trying to be transparent...But I don't know you're only my second interview. (The first interview was a linux + csco guru).


*************************************************



That was the 2nd worst interview ever. The worst was a C# developer:


Joe: Have you done alot of database work?


Other Person: Yes.


Joe: Mind if I ask you some technical questions?


Other Person: Sure.


Joe: Tell me a common recipe for connecting to a database with C#.


Other Person: What do you mean?


Joe: Like, what things would you need to do to connect?


Other Person: Um, hmmm. I haven't done that much database stuff. At my last job the classes were written for me.


Joe: Oh, so you haven't written database code?


Other Person: No, I have.


Joe: Okay, then how did you connect?


Other Person: What do you mean?


Joe (getting frustrated): Like, how do you connect to a database? Do you know how to use C# to connect and read data from a database?


Other Person: Yes.


Joe (exasperation is starting to enter my voice): Okay, good. How?


[He pauses, says uh, ah, hmmmm, and doesn't answer...for like a good minute]


Joe: Listen, nothing personal, I think you might be a little junior for the position.


Other Person (as if completely stunned as to why): Too junior?


Joe: Yes. Too Junior.


Other Person: What? Why?


Joe: Because I just asked you how to connect to database and you don't know how.


Other Person: Oh, but I know other things.


Joe (thinks: whoever sent this guy here is fired): That may be, but this is a data intensive app and on your resume you said you were a MCSD.


Other Person: I am.


Joe: Okay, but...you can see my position here right?


Other Person: Yes but...


Joe: Thanks for coming in.


[ He leaves. He is genuinely mad at me. I am astounded.]



Friday, April 04, 2008

Geeky Interviews gone bad....


Today marks a new birth of a new segment on the j03m blog. We shall review some of the more horrible interviews I have. You'll need to be a bit tech to get some of this. But, they are fairly amusing.


Joe: How would you rate your overall linux experience on a scale of 1 to 10?


Person: Pretty good, about an 8.


Joe: Cool, mind if I ask you some technical questions?


Person (looking less confident): Uh, sure.


Joe: How do I get my present working directory?


Person: Uh....Like what do you mean?


Joe: Like, if I ssh into a box and I want to know where I am...What command do I use?


Person: Oh, I've SSHed before.


Joe (with an arched brow): Right I know, but...like...if...How would I get my present working directory?


Person: Uh....Ls?


Joe: Hmmm. Okay, question 2.


[there is an uncomfortable silence...another guy I work with is listening on conference and my CEO is with me...CEO gets up and leaves....I think I here the other guy on the phone chuckle, im trying not to laugh]


Joe: How do I get a list of processes?


Person: Uh...hmmm.


[This goes on for a while]


Joe: Casey (guy on phone) do you have any questions?


Casey (through the phone): No, I think that covers it.


Joe: Kay...I'll field some questions about us then. See ya.


[hangs up, politeness ensues, interview ends, my faith in humanity is lessened.]


I want to reiterate....I asked "on a scale of 1-10" and he told me...8...Why wouldn't you just say 3 and manage my expectations? At least then you wouldn't look like a total joker. *sigh*




Tuesday, March 25, 2008

how to p0wn at Call of Duty 4


So you want to be l33t and rack up the high kill ratios at cod4? Here are some tips:


1) Be under 18, have hours to squander and never consider going outside to play with your friend or reading a book.


2) Have a vocabulary that consists of "n00b", "bitch", "owned" and assorted racial slurs.


oh wait..the real tips....sorry I got carried away hating on America's teenage dooshbag gamer population.


The real tips:


1) Start out with the MP5. Hide and use your radar to get close to people. Don't play the sit and snipe game. This will: Eventually earn you a silencer for you MP5 and teach you the maps (because you are moving around).


2) Once you have silencer for the MP5, put it away and switch to the M16. Now that you know the map pick you tight spots and smoke people with the accuracy that comes with the M16. Continue until you unlock the Scope for the M16 and unlock the OverKill ability.


3) Always use claymores, everything else blows. Whenever you enter a place where you think you want to hang out and pick off stragglers, claymore all the entrances. This will either kill people coming to get you or alert you to their presence if they avoid the traps. you get the most kills by taking advantage of other people who are running around like jackasses looking for people to kill. They can never react as fast as you can pick them off down the street. :)


4) Once you have Overkill, the M16 with a scope and an MP5 with a silencer, create a class with the m16 as primary, MP5 as back up. Select Claymores as your extra, Steady Aim and Deep Penetration as your abilities.


5) From here, take out your MP5 whenever traveling. You can use this to kill people in silence and never show up on radar and with steady aim you can mow people down close range really easily. Use this tactic to get to a hot spot, or a place with a good view.


6) Then Claymore all the entrances to your new spot.


7) Find a good place with cover (remember, just because you claymored the entrance doesn't mean they can't blast you through the door if you're standing in the doorway)


8) Sit with your scoped m16 and enjoy.


9) Kill 2-3 heads, take out your mp5, head to a new spot.


10) Try to only move when you have a UAV up.


The M16/MP5 combo is the jam. Use it and you will be ripping it up before you know it. Once you are l33t you can litter the airwaves with violent obscenities aimed at your little bastard kid opponents and not feel bad because COD4 is rated M for mature. :)


Thursday, March 13, 2008

Don't Panic


There are two inescapable truths in programming. Especially in start-up programming when you are innovating and doing things not previous done.


1) As a galactic hitchhiker would say, "Don't Panic"


2) It is always harder then it seems, plan accordingly.


They seem to counter act one another, leading me to believe it's god's way of torturing us.


Let's discuss #1 today.


Last night, I noticed my code on a server that generates PKI pairs was causing undo stress and load on the system. So, I wrote a little class to change the app from generating PKIs on each transaction (which is needed for security) to having a pool of PKI and randomly selecting one and then more slowly rotating used keys out. The result has the same effect (predetermining the pki is very unlikely) but less load.


But then suddenly my encryption stopped working. Things started to explode in the lab. I immediately thought, OMG my new pool isn't thread safe and began working diligently to correct this scouring my syncs and locks for signs of oversight. Then I found...


public getPublicPKIKey() { return blowFishKey; }


oh...returning blowfishkey instead of...the public key...hmm oh. tweak. fix. done.


More of the story...Don't Panic.


Oh yea, and test your decryption.



Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Time.


http://dailywebb.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/evolution.jpg

So sad.


To be fair, we have xbox 360 now, so it's not too bad.



MASS EFFECT DLC!!!! YES!


Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Count this among things that don't win wife points:


Look, I love and support you and will stand by whatever decision you make, but I think you might want to consider that you may be being slightly irrational.


:)


I tried. I failed.


California Makes You Soft


I hired a consultant from New York and flew him to Irvine to work with us. When we talk, people in the office look at us like we're speaking another language and can't keep up with the flow of the conversation.


I thought to myself while talking to him, "Man this guy talks fast." and felt stressed out trying to keep up until I finally snapped back to NY talk and we were gabbering away. When we were done I decided I missed new york.


Ninjas vs Pirates....el sagino contiuedad


[08:39] Chris: http://photos-d.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v191/156/48/1252170379/n1252170379_30297859_8966.jpg
[08:49] Joe: hahaha
[08:50] Chris: ninjas for the win
[08:50] Joe: im still tossed up, but ive come around a bit
[08:50] Joe: i think 1 vs 1 battle, ninja would win.
[08:50] Joe: but if like pirates set out to take a village...ninjas couldn't defend it
[08:51] Joe: as a result, pirates would win in an all out war
[08:51] Chris: depends how many ninjas were in the village. If pirates raided a village of 100 ninjas, the pirates would win. But if the pirates raided a village with 1 ninja, it might take a few days, but there'd be no pirates left standing.
[08:51] Joe: LOL
[08:52] Joe: yea, that is probably true.
[08:52] Joe: This must become a blog post.
[08:52] Joe: You made the blog Chris, welcome to the big time.
[08:52] Chris: Fuck yeah!


Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Ebay deputizes Scientology.


Mike is smart, well spoken and posts intelligent thing and nd unlike most of the rambling pile of poor spelling and ill tempered jibberish (note: jibberish actually starts with a 'g') you'll find here, his posts are usually thoughtful and pertinent. He has an interesting post about ebay allowing the church of Scientology to control bidding on items. Ew. (see it at: http://www.mikespace.net/blog/mike)


This paragraph is especially disturbing:


**************


Not surprisingly, he turned to eBay, where a Scientologist buyer can remain blissfully unaware that his seller is a declared suppressive person. But every time he attempts to sell his e-meter on eBay, the listing is removed within hours by the Church of Scientology, which claims that the listing violates their intellectual property rights. See screenshots of the auctions while they were up here [update; personal info redacted] and here, and respective "Invalid Item" eBay pages here and here. And it's not just Bill-I've watched numerous e-meter listings from other sellers removed before they even receive a bid.

If you're uninitiated to eBay, you'd probably think that for each of these removals, the Church of Scientology informs eBay of the violation of its rights, eBay considers the merits of their argument, and then only then does eBay yank the listing. But that's not what happens at all. Instead, eBay effectively deputizes Scientology, which logs into eBay and removes the listings itself.


**************


What does that signify? If we consider that Ebay has it's roots as and is a focal point of a free market Internet economy for used and second hand goods, yet then consider that it is now effectively allowing a company (well religion) to ban the sale of a used good (which was likely legally purchased) based on intellectual property rights.


So wait, what if Dell told Ebay that I couldn't sell my used laptop? Will Ebay reason that this is a valid request and that I'm not entitled to sell my laptop that I purchased from Dell? Replace Dell with Church of Scientology and laptop with meter and what is the difference? Other then the fact that the CoS is a technically (if not morally) a religion? What if GMC decided I wasn't allowed to sell my used car?


It lends itself to a larger question. There is a very scary thing starting to happen, that a friend of mine pointed out to me a long time ago and at the time I scoffed at it. It was a buzz that started in software and music but is slowly creeping into the realm of physical goods. This is the idea that when you purchase something (like say Microsoft Windows or a DVD) that you have not ACTUALLY purchased that product, but rather purchased the right to use that product. One could easily then turn around and say that when you done using that product you don't actually have the right to turn around and resell it to someone else, because...well...you don't actually own it to sell. If the someone else involved wishes to purchase (a copy/version/one of) the items you were just using on the company that holds in the intellectual property rights to the (a copy/version/one of).


This is pretty easy to enforce and to some extent makes logical sense when one considers software and digital media (though some people would probably castrate me for saying so). But it certainly doesn't make sense for physical goods. Ew.


The problem luckily seems to stem from an abuse of system called VeRO that ebay provides and not necessarily via the edict of ebay itself. An interesting note:


**************


Indeed, the warning label at the bottom of each e-meter demonstrates the kind of control to which I'm referring. The need for a label came about after the FDA took offense at Scientology's claim that the e-meter retained medical benefits; the court eventually agreed with the FDA and mandated a disclaimer, which has morphed from the original into the following:


By itself, this meter does nothing. It is solely for the guide of Ministers of the Church in Confessionals and pastoral counseling. The Electrometer is not medically or scientifically capable of improving the health or bodily function of anyone and is for religious use by students and Ministers of the Church of Scientology only. (emphasis added)

But if the Church of Scientology has no real legal basis by which to remove eBay listings of e-meters, why would it assert, under penalty of perjury (as it must do to use eBay's VeRO program), that it has "good faith belief" that the listing they are removing constitutes an infringement? It's a roll of the dice no doubt, but the odds are in its favor that Bill-like almost anyone else similarly situated-will not sue to have the listing restored, litigation being profoundly cost prohibitive, especially against the Scientology litigation machine, even where the item removed could have sold for up to $5,000.


*******************





Friday, February 08, 2008

COD4 IS TEH H0TTN3SS


If GOW and HALO had some hot, sweaty video game sex, they would produce a near perfect COD4.


COD4 takes the high res intensity of battle we new and loved in GOW with the huge scale of Halo and wraps them up into one pretty little package. This game is absolutely amazing. The battles are out of control. I have hardly the words to explain.


Allow me to say that from the first "true" mission in the game when you are watching bullets scream around and ricochet off of sparking metals into a ballet of chaos and you afraid to even lift your head for fear of being shot you will be hooked. I'm playing on veteran (which is apparently realistic enough to only appeal to masochists like me) and at various moments where I paused the game to appreciate the visuals and what was happening. There are so many "moments" in this game that are of cinematic quality and none of them are cut sequences. They're all simply things that are happening during the game. There is a moment when one of my guys started shouting "get down, get down" and I did, but he didn't and the next thing I know he's headless and dead-eyed and laying next to me. Or the fact that I have gone around a corner and been shocked to see three guys pointing machine guns at me. Or a battle in a office building where I was pinned down behind a cube and computer glass, walls and sparks are all exploding from bullets and falling down in front of me.


Not only that AI is SUPERB. They are so smart on veteran, it is the closest thing to playing against people I've experienced to date, topping both GOW and Halo3. Within moments of you ducking around a corner or behind a car be sure grenades will be thrown at you where other AI would just shoot at your position. They move for cover and dig in and every "computer is stupid" trick I could think of has so far failed. To get past the TV Station office battle scene I had to sit and think out what to do. The only way I was able to get past it was to secure RPGs in the previous checkpoint, sprint to the end of the office and then rain a mixture of flash bangs and rockets into the bad guys until they moved back to a place where I could get better ground on them. I live for moments in games where I have to think like that. However, no two runs through a check point play the same. They are similar for sure but the AI reacts to your actions and attempts to counter your moves. It's almost to the point that the veteran difficulty level is frustrating. But, they do warn you of that and I love a challenge.


I'm not 100% through the game I've heard complaints of a short campaign mode and I have yet to play multi-player. Expect an update soon. But as of right now, two big thumbs up.


Mass Effect is worth playing but....


Okay so I played Mass Effect over x-mas.


Actually. Edit. I played Mass Effect 3 times over x-mas.


Actually. Edit. I spent the majority of the three weeks I went home to new york playing Mass Effect.


Mass Effect is a fun game if you like sci-fi. Everything stated about is accurate. The story is engrossing, the graphics and combat mechanics are amazing. the scope is huge and the strategic range of character customization is as advertised . It definitely deserves the 9+ it received from most of the magazines.


That said, the large public complaints that the AI was retarded and the vehicle mechanics were not intuitive are accurate, but I believe, a little overblown. The vehicle mechanics are only unintuitive if you had been playing halo *directly* before Mass Effect. The fact is that the controls are odd when contrasted with the controls for the wart hog in halo but once you get past that you're fine. The AI is...well....retarded. But they're tough enough still to keep the game challenging.


The idea that you choose the way the story unfolds however is a bit overblown. You don't really choose how the story unfolds at all. Your choices throughout the game largely impact the details of the story but the outcomes of the story remain largely unmodified. Ie, the story moves along from point A to point B no matter what you choose. You do choose whether or not you are a good guy, a bad buy and if you get to be involved in steamy alien love scenes (I'm not joking). But at the end of the day there is only 1 ending, with a few minor variations All in all it's not the fabled "Node-Based" story, but it is a good shot at it and its definitely the closest thing we've seen so far.


My biggest gripe with the game was the universe exploration. The game advertises this "huge" universe to explore. And the universe is huge, it just not all explorable. You can't land on most of the planets. In fact most systems only have 1 or 2 land-able planets and those always seem to consist of exactly the same features. They all have an artifact, some gear to salvage, and some elements to flag and mine. Sometimes there is a small mini-mission where you get to go into a base and kill some bad guys, but it gets old.


The fact is the core story when tackled without getting side-tracked on the many ancillary "side-missions" is pretty short. It consists of 3-4 major campaigns and then it's over. The rest of the game is padded out by small side missions that you can use to get the experience + gear you need to get buff enough to handle the major battles.


So I did feel a little gypped. But this is only because I felt that if the care was taken to wind all of these side missions into the story, it could have wound and mutated the way games have the true potential to. By this I mean there are really different "end-games" and paths to each one.


Any way all in all. Fun.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Mass Effect


I've heard the hype and it looks hot. I'm buying it today and will update shortly.


Monday, December 10, 2007

IM of the day.


[13:05] joe: It's been a long week, trying to get this release and my laundry supply is scarce. While searching around for pants this morning in the dark, I seem to have grabbed the jeans I own the with the giant hole in the crotch.
[13:05] joe: I hadn't noticed.
[13:05] joe: Though that in and of itself does not make a very funny story.
[13:05] joe: What makes the story funny is that I also happen to be free-balling it right now.
[13:05] sarah: Hahha
[13:06] sarah: Oh no...
[13:06] sarah: HAHAHAHA
[13:06] joe: the whole is large enough for the entirety of my man-sack to hang out.
[13:06] sarah: OMG
[13:06] sarah: HAHAHAHA
[13:06] sarah: Are you going to come home?
[13:06] joe: During a meeting with me another developer and craig, craig smirks at me writes me a note that reads:
[13:06] sarah: NO....
[13:06] sarah: No....
[13:06] sarah: OMG I'm crying
[13:06] joe: "You have a big whole in your pants right near you balls. Don't be sad. :( "
[13:07] joe: LOL
[13:07] sarah: HAHAHAHA
[13:07] joe: I have some gym shorts.
[13:07] joe: I put them on. I was cracking up all day. You don't understand, if I lean back in my char, which I do all the time it was balls to the world. I had no idea. I thought it was cold out.
[13:07] sarah: OMG OMG STOP. I CANT BREATH.



Sunday, December 09, 2007

2 muffins remain...


I think I need counseling.


Saturday, December 08, 2007

The King of all DesSerts!


[22:39] PhatasaurusRex: i ate like...100 muffins today.
[22:39] m0e277: thats a lot of muffins
[22:39] PhatasaurusRex: Sarah had a bake sale for school
[22:40] PhatasaurusRex: and there was like 30 left.
[22:40] PhatasaurusRex: I think there are like 10 left now.
[22:40] PhatasaurusRex: she had 1 or 2
[22:40] m0e277: hahahah
[22:40] m0e277: muffins with butter
[22:40] m0e277: mmm
[22:40] PhatasaurusRex: they are like cake muffins.
[22:40] m0e277: fuck that
[22:40] PhatasaurusRex: you don't even need the butter :)
[22:40] m0e277: butter is good on everything
[22:40] PhatasaurusRex: hahaha
[22:40] PhatasaurusRex: they are more like frostingless cupcakes then muffins.
[22:40] PhatasaurusRex: u think butter is good on cake?
[22:40] m0e277: butter is STILL good on them
[22:41] m0e277: i don't ike cake
[22:41] PhatasaurusRex: gross.
[22:41] PhatasaurusRex: w00t?
[22:41] PhatasaurusRex: how can you not like cake
[22:41] m0e277: i would way rather have pie
[22:41] PhatasaurusRex: everyone loves cake.
[22:41] PhatasaurusRex: yea, pie is good.
[22:41] m0e277: pie is way better than cake
[22:41] PhatasaurusRex: better the pie though is cheese cake. King of all deserts.
[22:41] m0e277: hrm
[22:41] m0e277: i like pie better than cheesecake
[22:41] PhatasaurusRex: cheese cake fucks pie's mom.
[22:41] m0e277: but cheesecake better than cake
[22:41] PhatasaurusRex: sorry bud. you lost me.
[22:41] m0e277: yea
[22:41] m0e277: you're fat
[22:42] PhatasaurusRex: cheese cake rules over the desSert kingdom with an iron fist.
[22:42] m0e277: you get that glazed look in your eye at the mention of cake
[22:42] m0e277: well
[22:42] m0e277: mabye your right
[22:42] PhatasaurusRex: His edic dictates the behavior of all other deserts.
[22:42] m0e277: super good cheesecake is pretty goddamn awesome
[22:42] PhatasaurusRex: dude.
[22:43] PhatasaurusRex: It cannot be fucked with.
[22:43] m0e277: i drank a bottle and a half of irish whiskey thats older than me this week
[22:43] PhatasaurusRex: sweet
[22:43] PhatasaurusRex: thats a lot of whiskey
[22:43] PhatasaurusRex: i'd be really fucked up if I drank a bottle and half of anything that wasn't wine or beer
[22:44] PhatasaurusRex: I think my blood sugar is about to cause my blood to eat it's way out of my body like hydrocloric acid.
[22:44] PhatasaurusRex: that was way too many muffins.


[22:45] m0e277: oh i meant over the whole week
[22:45] m0e277: i'd be dead if i drank a bottle and a half of irish whiskey at one time
[22:45] PhatasaurusRex: heh.
[22:46] PhatasaurusRex: I would have thought that about 20 muffins.
[22:46] PhatasaurusRex: But apparently one can survive this.


Thursday, December 06, 2007

Lessons for 2007


2007 is almost over, but looks like there is room for 2 more lessons!


Lesson 4: Regardless of how fast you think you can finish a project, multiply the expected delivery time line by 3. This is because you think you are smart, but really, you're an idiot. Other people seem to think you're smart as well, but your not, but they will believe you when you tell them 3 months, even though in your heart of heart you really think 6 and that means it will take 12. So, times by three, and get some sleep. If the company will run out of money in 6mo then consider finding investment rather the believing in your 3 month fantasy time line.


Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Too funny - XboxLive

A halo spoof trailer. Anyone who spends any time on XBox Live will find this very amusing...Wait for it...Hysterical because it's SO true.

Assassin's Creed is Pants.

Okay…so this game is getting 9-9.5 from Game Informer and the rest of the pack of popular game review sites. I'm starting to worry about Game Informer because they gave Gears of War (my heart and soul) a 9.5 and they are essentially saying that AC is as good as Gears which is ridiculous. Sorry dudes, but…No. (I swear theres some payola going on in the games industry right now).

Okay so the good: Amazing character animation, beautiful open world and super intuitive controls. For the first hour while this "wow" factor hasn't run been crushed by having to do the same tasks over and over, you'll have fun.

Now the bad: This is easily the most annoyingly repetitive game I have ever played. It's latterly the SAME tasks over and over and over again. It has the depth and variance donkey kong. (that's not a slight on DK, I love DK, but you get the idea.)

Now don't get me wrong the mechanics are SWEET, and yes they have done some ground breaking this with the controls, but lets take a good look at this before we slap a 9.5 on these guys. This game is basically a Grand Theft Auto Open World mixed with Prince of Persia Movement Mechanics (same team) + Splinter Cell Stealth action. But while it tries to incorporate all of these elements into the game it really just waters them all down.

The GTA-ish open world is open and cool, but it really has like 3-4 AI behaviors which aren't very intelligent and get repetitive really quickly. It also lacks any of the create missions that take advantage of the open world in GTA and keeps it from getting painful. There are like 5 mission types…pick a pocket, eves drop, collect flags, interrogate and assassinate. Before you get to complete a stage you have to do like 3-4 of these. They are always the same, they never vary and they get old after a minute because they really aren't so much a challenge as an annoyance you have to deal with to continue the story.

The Prince of Persia mechanics are amazing, but they are never really employed in solving clever puzzles the way they are in PP. So as a result while you movements are cool, you never have to think creatively about how to really push your abilities, you just sort of run and climb and it all happens so intuitively it's more like watching then doing. Cool, but as I said only for a bit.

The stealth + "wanted" mechanics are a total let down. Pressing the "A" button and praying or lamely blending (or not blending) with packs of scholars just feels like a cop out for half done system. I have to believe these guys rushed out for x-mas with this one, it's just not there. They even lack a "wanted-level" system like the one in GTA. At one poin I got bored and just started systematically slaughtering soldiers with no consequences. Oh yea, that's another thing, combat is boring button mashing easy.

So verdict, this game, (after about an hour) is ++unfun. I don't know why I kept bothering. It was obvious where the story was heading and it ceased to be fun after a pretty short period. Thankfully it's not that long either.

Fun for an hour, a definite rental. Rent it, play the first 3 missions or until you get bored. It ends just the way you think it will and you won't miss much if you skip the last N missions. Save your money and buy the Orange Box (Portal, YAY!).

Monday, November 26, 2007

More on Oil...


Did some digging on oil prices + volume. Found this: http://seekingalpha.com/article/31523-oil-trading-volume-surge-desperation-of-the-roaches


It's older, and not a complete answer but there are some really interesting facts in there. More to follow.


Sunday, November 25, 2007

What's wrong with this picture?

Note: Don't invest in what I say here unless you are willing to get burned. I'm not an expert, I write this stuff here really to audit my thoughts. That said, I'm kicking ass right now ;). But I am...a total n00b. KNow this.

Anyway, check this out:

http://futures.tradingcharts.com/chart/CO/M

Oil's at nearly $100.00 barrel. But, look at the volume. Volumne on crude hasn't been this high since, well...1999. The iraq war started in 2003. Whats so special about 2007?

If you take a look at the weekly chart, it didn't really start rolling until oct.

http://futures.tradingcharts.com/chart/CO/W

Hmm, once I again I ponder the whys.

Business week ran a piece about how the price of oil may be less related to supply + demand then it is speculation induced demand. Which says to me...be short on Oil.

As a result I'm going short into a proshares short fund call DUG.

The there is the dollar...How much worse could it get on strong retail numbers? I read that some of this buying up of oil is due to a weak dollar, I'm not really sure about that relationship though. There is apparently a really strong relationship between oil, gold and the dollar. In that when oil is purchased in dollars, those dollars are eventually used to purchase gold on the open market. I need to research this more though.

However, based on the charts, I'm short on oil via DUG but very short, like 3 months max.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Portal rocks.

Stock: FXP


Took 50% shares off the table at 80 in FXP.


@85w1llt4k3-22shrs-off-th3-table-l34ve-r3st-0n-for-100days(maybe)


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Position in FXP


Stock:


Taking a position in FXP, betting that the chinese bubble will burst. Very risky. Stock is a 2x inverse of fxi. If FXI surges, I am royally fuct.


Don't do this with money you need, but with chinese stocks trading at 60 times earnings, it's just a matter of time. Fingers crossed.


1n4t7340


L04t49


H04t122




Del.icio.us :

Monday, November 12, 2007

Apparently, I am a virus.


http://spywarefiles.prevx.com/RREIBH43763116/J03M.EXE.html

Orange Box - Highly worthwhile


I played and beat all of the games in Orange box. I'm a little late to the show with HL2, but I'll say now that every game in the orange box (with the exception team fortress) is just awesome.


Half life2 doesn't have the graphics polish that Gears has or the scope of Halo, but it's still just (as they say in the commercial) the greatest game ever made. It really is up there, even now a few years old, with the better next gen titles. The story in engrossing and you are never bored with the gameplay, it's always highly challenging, and mixed up so as not to get stale. Every moment of the game you'll find yourself being challenged with new ways and new toys.


Some of it does show it's date. There were a couple of missions where I was like Meh. And the cinematics are leagues behind Gears, but man, once you get the gravity gun and you toss your first table into a pack of zombies sending them careening into barrels you will be hooked. + the story, man, I was so engrossed in this story, that I went online to find spoilers on HL3 and when it was coming out. I HAVE to know what happens in the war against the combine.


Portal: Is easily the most amusing, genius game I have yet to experience. I don't know how to explain this save to say YOU MUST PLAY PORTAL. YOU MUST. It's a puzzle game at heart, with a short odd story about a malevolent computer that torments you with witty banter. The game is awesome. The puzzles are a total mind fuck (you use a gun that creates 2 sides or a portal to get around) and I was literally cackling with laughter at some of the dialog. It's really good.


Team Fortress...well...this is the weak point. I don't really get it. It doesn't compare to the fun of halo or Gears online.


God I love gears. Except for host advantage. Blast you host advantage.




Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Mysqldump playing nice with JDBC


Alright, so I know f-all about java. But I'm coding some....so as I come upon bouts of insurmountable oddities I will post them here for the hope that others google and find it.


So, I tried really simply to load a mysql dump file as the string param into a Statement object with hopes that I could just execute it to create my db over and over again while unit testing. But life, as it turns out, is not so kind. It just threw SQL syntax errors. I thought at first it was extra mysql junk, but as it turns out a Statement just cannot seem to execute multiple SQL statements (at least as far as I could see).


So what to do? How do you import a mysqldump file without using the mysql console? Well, what I did was first and foremost, remove all of the comments and other stuff mysql sticks in there. Then, between each logic SQL statement (create, delete, insert etc) ie anything ended with a semi-colon and add: \n--SPLIT--\n. Then remove the semi-colons.


From here you can run it as:



String makedb = ReadFile(databasefile);
String [] temp = null;
temp = makedb.split("--SPLIT--");
for (int i = 0 ; i < temp.length ; i++)
{
String tempstr = temp[i].trim();
if (!"".equals(tempstr))
stmt.execute(tempstr);
}


where ReadFile just reads the modded dump file, split cuts it up and stmt.execute runs it. The rest is pretty standard stuff (if you don't know how to do them try: "jdbc mysql query" and "read a text file" at sourcepop.com (shameless plug)



Monday, October 15, 2007

Joe quits Red-bull discovers exercise. Exercise is not as advertised.


People told me that if I exercised more I wouldn't need so much red-bull.


I just exercised and now I need red bull to recover from how tired the exercise made me.


Life is cruel.


11:34 w/ no caffeine


I am attempting to give up caffeine due to what I perceive as heavy addiction. I spent a few days with migraines and thought maybe I had gotten through it all...no redbull since friday....good god how am even in motion?


The headaches are gone, But now I sit with sleep laden eyes. "I am not meant to be awake past 11:34."


At least I'm not cranky. Well, crank-ier.



Wednesday, October 03, 2007

More building for linux on windows...


Little nugget for managing mysql data: http://mysqlfront.sprintserve.net/MySQL-Front_Setup.exe


Saturday, September 29, 2007

Halo 3 gets better...

Well, as is usually the case I jumped the gun on the verbal scalding I gave halo the other day. It's pretty good. Playing on legendary is a real challenge and there are some pretty awesome scenes that come in later.

The last battles are epic stuff. I won't spoil the ending, but it's sort of a shitty cop out. But, none-the-less, fun game.

Hands down does NOT touch Gears, but worth a 9 out of 10 at least.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Okay, Okay....Maybe I over did it....

....Just a bit on halo 3...I played some multiplayer last night and I will admit I was having a good deal of fun.

Though, gears is stil better.

Now, if you had halo sized maps, vehicles with the duck and cover combat of gears and not so much floaty jumping. Well, you might have something.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Get Less Confused by RSA


A lot of people are easily confused by RSA. I find this is generally because the keys in RSA are called Public Key and Private Key but used interchangeably for encryption or decryption depending what you are trying to accomplish. Here is a quick summary followed by two links to set you straight:



1) You can encrypt and decrypt with either key.


If you want someone to be able to send you a message that only you can read, you encrypt with the public key and decrypt with the private key. Because you have the private key, no one else can get the message. Yay!


If you want to digitally sign something, or IE encrypt it so others can decrypt it and verify that it's you who encrypted it thus validating you identity you encrypt with the private key and decrypt with the public key.


2) You cannot give out the private key...EVAR!


The RSA algorithms and most implementations therein call the private key the private key for a very good reason. IT has to remain private. I have actually seen on several occasions dudes who are trying to implement a digital signature, but read a tutorial on sending messages, encrypt a document with the public key, then send out the private key and call it the public key because, well...now it's public. The keys are not interchangeable and you cannot arbitrarily decide to make one key public and one key private. The key generated as private is the private key....always.



Now some good links:


C++ http://www.codeproject.com/useritems/RsaSignatureAppendix.asp



Java: http://www.mobilefish.com/developer/bouncycastle/bouncycastle.html




Halo 3 vs Gears of War


So I played Halo 3 yesterday, I am not overly impressed. Don't get me wrong, Halo 3 is a good game, it's fun....but it's basically Halo 2 with new stuff. As any other first person shooter for 360 this would have been a 9 game, but as the much hyped third installment of the Halo series, it felt lack luster and cartoonish when positioned against the Gears of War experience as a result, I give it a 7. I'll run through the good and the bad:


The Good:


4 player simultaneous multiplayer - Holy-fazzizzle-fuck, this is cool. I dialed up Moe and Denis, Sarah joined in and we were rolling as a crew together, talking smack and killing bad guys. Very fun.


The grand Halo scale of things - Halo is a battle on a grand scale. Shit is flying through the air, vehicles are racing around, there are tons of bad guys to kill, brightly colored lasers are flashing everywhere...This game is and feels BIG.


And...that's pretty much it....That's where it ends.


The bad: (as a heads up, I played on 4 player co-op, so maybe on single player the game performs better...but as a point of reference, on gears there was no preceivable quality difference in network co-op and regular.)


Shoddy visuals - While it's understandable that game this large can't have all this little bells and whistles, man, it just doesn't feel as real as Gears. I found myself consistently wishing that the assault rifle felt, looked and sounded like the Lancer in gears. It doesn't shake with the same intensity. Granted, again this is because Halo is so big, but I really miss seeing dust and bits of concrete kick up off the ground when I shoot my lancer...even if it's all the way across the board. In addition, there were a few times when textures just didn't load very quickly and popped up a second to late, bullet scarring fades away too soon and enemies just disapear instead of dying. Even the character models seem low poly compared to Gears. The leader dude Lord whatever his name is looks like a cartoon drunk. Meh. I'm getting irritated as write this, this game sucked.


Lack of intensity - In Gears when you were pinned down by enemy fire bullets are whizzing around you ricocheting off walls causing dust to the fill the air. You FEEL it. In Halo, not so much. I felt like I was constantly just bouncing off a little master chief cloud, happily and heroically bounding my way though hordes of the covenant without much effort. And...we were playing on heroic...granted it's not legendary but some resistance please. I was bored. When I played Gears I couldn't fucking put the game down. Alot of this granted is because of the scale of Halo. Halo is huge epic battles. Gears is up close and personal and in your face battles. But, while they are smaller the battles in gears felt bigger then they do in Halo. They were certainly more exciting. You head vibrates when you play Gears and try to ascertain what the hell is going on and who to shoot at next. In halo I was just sort of wandering around killing crap.


Everything feels cartoonish and immature - God, when did halo become half fucking religious experience and half return of the Jedi corny? Last I checked the game was rated M do we need to pander to the 12 yr old demo? If I have to listen to one more lame ass soldier voice over praising the "Spartan" and telling me how cool master chief is......or one more corny Jesus moment with Master Chief in slow motion I'm going to vomit out my spleen. Did I mention corny solider voice overs? It got to the point where we just started killing our own dudes so they would shut the fuck up. I felt like I was minutes away from: "Master Chief...let me touch your penis!" or "Master Chief....need hand job?". At least that would have been funny,.


Dumb AI - Man, come on. There were like 4 instances where I walked up to shit and shot it point blank before it could react. Weak. If you bounded around like a Jackass on Gears Insane mode you got mowed down appropriately. If I tried to stupidly do a close up flank you go smashed. If you even try to stick your head out of cover to long you get ripped. Not so much in Halo. My MC was bounding around like a Russian ballerina shot gunning dudes at point blank



Summary:


So, in summary I didn't love the Halo 3 experience. That said, I'm comparing it to Gears which is just a sick, sick, sick game. I also haven't played Halo 3 solo or on multi-player yet. Maybe I'll like it better then. In general I just felt like Gears was feels like the Apocalypse Now of war video games and Halo 3 felt like G.I Joe the movie.


Halo 3 is much more expansive, as as a result it lacks the heavy grittiness of the Gears battle scenes. You essentially are trading realistic play and feel for larger environments, more players and of course vehicles, which gears totally lacks. But to me I felt as though Halo 3 was like 10 pounds of taco bell beef and Gears is 16 oz fillet minion.


Take your bit, both have merits but...the 16oz fillet tastes better for sure.


Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I done good.


[10:48] sarah : I have Halo
[10:48] sarah : You want to come home now, don't you?
[10:49] j03m: heh
[10:49] j03m: i do.
[10:49] j03m: but i can't
[10:49] j03m: :(
[10:49] j03m: you know you want to play though
[10:49] j03m: without me...
[10:49] j03m: you want to roll solo
[10:49] j03m: forget about your ties.
[10:49] j03m: forget your promises....
[10:49] sarah : I don't know if it's worse to be you stuck at work, or me stuck at home looking at it
[10:50] sarah : I will not start it without you
[10:50] j03m: you can play, i wouldn't think less of you.
[10:50] j03m: i really would not.
[10:50] j03m: dude, I would play.
[10:50] j03m: if you were at work.
[10:50] j03m: for sure.
[10:50] sarah : No
[10:50] sarah : I'll wait
[10:50] sarah : I love you that much



If that doesn't say love, I'm not sure what does.


How A Windows Developer Can Develop Java on Linux and Not Want to Kill Themselves After 10 minutes


In N easy steps. (I use N because I do not know the steps)


1) Buy IntelliJ IDEA - While compared to VS2005 IDEA is a piece of shit, it by far the best java IDE available and the closest thing to a VS2005 experience you will find. Buck up and buy it. Or, consider using Mono instead of Java....but I can't reccomend it...I haven't used it yet. I don't think there is an application server for it yet.


2) Download WINSCP - This is a GUI tool that lets you seemlessly drag files between your windows box and your linux box via SSH.


3) Download and install tomcat for windows. Google IntelliJ Tomcat Debug Configuration. After 10 minutes you will know how to debug java code in IntelliJ for tomcat. It's as close to ASP.net integrated dev with IIS as I could come.


4) DBWrench - Buy DBWrench. IT's $149.00. It is an ER tool that lets you visual create databases and then push them to MySQL. Works with SQL server, Access and a bunch of other stuff as well. It's actually better then the GUI for SQL server. You can push all your changes to MySQL after you visuall build you DB, or reverse engineer an existing DB. It does what visio dreams about at night.


With those 4 tools, other then the occasional pushing your code to linux to test in a real environment, you can pretty much build everything on your windows box as closely to using VS2005 as you can.


It's not the same, but it will keep you sane.


I Fucking Hate Hibernate


I would rather etch raw SQL code into my skin with a steak knife then be forced to use hibernate ever again.


Hibernate is a great idea, that just doesn't pan out. It's like you get drunk, go to a bar and meet this super hot girl and it turns out she's a dude with a 10 inch hammer and way stronger then you. Which depending on your view of things may be a plus, but I digress....


Hibernate blows. It's slow as shit, and if you don't REALLY know what you are doing (much like SQL) you can really make your app super sluggish. Also forget about it if you actually doing anything more data intensive then your run of the mill business layer to overhead is awful. If you have fairly complex joins to do it also sucks unless I spend hours tweaking my mapping files or annotations. So, why do I want to spend more time writing XML and less time writing SQL to gain less performance and less control?


Ugh. Lazy loading exceptions? I mean, would it be so much to ask that I turn on lazy loading for performance purposes, but then if I try to access a property that hasn't been loaded it um load it? No. Throw an excpetion that I need to then catch and then make me go load it myself.


Steak knife. I kid you not. Once again, I stray form a microsoft-centric world and I pay.


Bracket Genocide


If you are a


if (something) {
//do something
}


Instead of a:


if(something)
{
//do something
}


Know that I hate you and all of your kind. I'm going to pass an amendment to the constitution that bans you from marrying other bracket dickheads and bar you from public services and make you sit on the back of the bus.



Thursday, September 13, 2007

Xbox360 will fail to become popular because of Gears of War


The fact is that I will never buy another game because I have owned gears of war for a year and it is still fun.


Why would I ever buy another game? How could anything every be better then gow?


So now, Microsoft has doomed themselves because, afraid of having to compete with gears of war the game industry will put games out on the ps3 where there is no competition.


BUT what the game makers don't realize is that we still won't buy their games because GOW is still so much fun, so basically, the ps3 still won't sell and all other game companies will go out of business because of this tragic mistake.


As a result the guys that made GOW (I can't remember their name) and Microsoft will rule digitial entertainment for decades to come. Buy stock now.


This conclude j03m's analysis of the video game industry. Tune in tomorrow for an indepth discussion of Microsoft Gears of Word 2008. The next gen of the office client has Marcus yell at you for misspelling stuff, "Down in front!". And if you stop typing Cole says "It's never nap time baby!". Also, emergence holes open up on your screen and try to eat your document. You have to shoot them. They are pretty tough on Insane.


Visual Verification is still broken


Dear Mike (The only person who reads this):


Visual Verification is still broken. I cannot reply to your comments though I would like to. So I will say here, in a post,(just for you baby): I agree fully.


Once blogger is done being a fucking douche-bag....I will post a comment formally.


I also tried to post on your blog....but it wouldn't let me. Likely because I am a dumb american. But I enjoyed your comment on DNA databases in the UK, how they can be abused by facist dictatorships to rob us of our rights and privledges.


That said, On the subject of DNA. I would love to become a mutant with super powers by altering my dna. Maybe claws and regeneration.


Talk to you later.


Joe


P.S. It occurs to me that as the admin of the block I could turn Visual Verification off. But...Then I would get more porn and links to free prescription drugs then I could handle. And I already have enough to keep me unproductive for months.


P.S.S It occurs to me that I could probably turn off Visual Verification temporarily, post, then turn it back on. But I'm too lazy to think of that, so it must be a delusion. Instead I will just post.


Douche-Bag


My this is a magickal word. What is it about the word Douche-bag that makes me feel better. When I encounter a douche-bag, I get so filled with frustration and annoyance that when I'm able to accurately and correctly label them it lifts the tension off my shoulders making me feel free of douche-bag induced anxiety.It's alot like Monkey for stupid people.


You talk to a stupid person, you get irritated because you brain cannot comprehend just how incredibly fucking stupid this person is. So you say "God what a fucking Monkey!". And suddenly you feel better, because you have classified this person as a primate who is sub-human and as a result it is okay for him to be so stupid. You're subconscious is no long offended by the fact that humanity which you hold in such high regard could produce a creature such as this which lowers the entire species.


Douche-bag is much in the same way. You encounter a douche-bag, he is either ruining GOW with his glitches or is so incredibly l33t with his active reload sniper skills (you know you hate it) or he is some jackass with the collar of his polo shirt flipped up and spouting about how got to meet the cast of the OC at a party last night.


Either way, you're so utterly offended by his lack of attachement to reality you ask yourself, "Arg! Could a human being really be so set on ruining GOW for everyone?" or "Arg! Could a human being really think that I care if he met the cast of the OC? and for that matter, why does he care!!!".


And suddenly you have an answer which doesn't destroy your faith in humanity and you say, "God! What a douche-bag!".


And because this word so accurately described this homodouchebagian, you thus seperate him from homo-sapien and feel better.


Doosh-Bags PC vs Xbox360


My friend Moe claimed today that the level of douchebaggery when comparing pc to 360 games was 100:1. I say nay! Nay, PC lover! There are just as may dooshbags on PC as there are on 360.


Thoughts?



I love Zoundry. It lets me brain spam my blog.


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Did Zoundry just make my life easier?


Posting from Zoundry. I will never visit blogger again.


Wednesday, September 05, 2007

WWZD?

Sarah and I are about a year in now, and tonight at dinner the subject of religion and kids came up. We argued a bit about whether or not kids would be better raised as agnostic (my choice) or with something formal (her choice).

I was raised catholic, and have my issues with catholic doctrine. So does Sarah. So I said well, if not catholic then what, why make a choice at all they are all. They are all flawed. At the end of the day if you think your little monkey brain is capable of Groking god, his or her will, eternity, and infinite love to extent that you should write down your laws and dictate them to other men and women then well....you are really just a narcisist not enlightened.

Sure there are some good points, love and good will to all, that stuff. But at the end of the day organized religion is like looking at a big ball of stupid. Depending on your angle you see some of the big ball of stupid, and another religion sees another part of the big ball of stupid. But regardless it's all a big ball of stupid. And no one ever sees the merrit in someone else's view of a big ball of stupid. Besides, I can see this part of the big ball of stupid SO clearly. It must be gods will.

Sarah suggested we check out a few religions together to see if we could find one that fit. To which I replied is there one called "None"? She said no. "I am but a man, I cannot grok god's will and so I am forced to live my life with cut and dry and black and white definitions of good and evil and thus subject to self inspection, thought and free will to make decisions about what I think is for the greater good of mankind?" she said no. "Oh well then is there one called in the 1900s we said medicine and surgery are evil and we should just pray to god to get better?" She didn't like that one either.

So eventually I gave in. She seemed pleased until I told her that I would revive the ancient tradition of worshiping Zeus the great thundergod who once lived on mount olympus and enjoyed the following of most of hte greek penisula.

As I pondered my new choice I realized that Zues was a pretty fun dude. I considered, "What would Zues do?" WWZD. Well, he'd knock up some mortals, make a few half-god sons that had herculean strength and chuck a few thunder bolts at anyone who got out of line.

My kind of religion. WWZD.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

My last post on Second Life was a crock of shit...

It has a long way to go before we see any really tight RPG sims I think. The problems are many. Lag, Laggy Scripts, Shotty RP, crappy laggy immature combat. The works. While some sims like Midian and Solace have their high points and some top players, most of the games really lack (ahem, toxia?). Midian for example is beautifully built, but has the lamest combat engine that no one uses. Solace seems to have an interesting system but it's small, and lacks for player.

That's just the begining of the problem though. In the diku mud code that was ported to the RPI engines that power Armageddon and SOI there were already facilities for mobs, coded inventories, shops etc. Most if not all sims just don't have that capability. Sure there are shops, but they are linden dollar shops (ie, OC shops, not IC shops) and why would you buy in game gear if you can just bring gear in?

Therein' lies additional problems, people just bring in and wear whatever they like. How can you control theme and make a real RPG if folks can just buy up weapons from where and bring them in? As of now I have little hope for SL a platform for next gen indy MMOS. I'm not even going into lagging scripts.

HOwever. There is hope. Hope in the form of OpenSim. A C# opensource project that allows you to run your own SL Sim. Without SL. Between faster scripts (compiled to C# if you like) and the possbility of controlling things at the sim code level and customizations, I have a lot of hope for OpenSim. I downloaded the code today and will post my progress.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The best robot EVAR...

Not voltron. Break dancer.

This is pretty old (2001) but it's still the c00lest. Wait for the kid in the orange sweat shirt, the other stuff is ass. This one guy though...crzy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcUF3vGgwNc

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Is SecondLife the new DikuMud for Indy RPGs and MMOs?

Maybe not right now. Right now as far as I can tell, Second Life is a giagantic online sex chat room. Which is fun, but so far I don't see the sort of code built into the text only RPI muds that you would find at www.RPImud.com. As of yet, a diku derived RPI engine it is not. That said, man is there potential here!

Those of you who know me, know that I'm a big fan of the rp enforced role play world. I was until recently a very active member in the www.armageddon.org role play enforced mud community and I've checked out if not spent some time on just about every RPI (Roleplay Intensive) mud I could find. (There's a list at www.rpimud.com).

I've been looking for a substitute to arm (as it's fondly referred to) because I got tired of playing there. But this was more due to the fact that I saw so much more potential for the genre, and I didn't feel text-only was going to do it justice in the future. I spent countless hours pondering how to mature the idea of rp-enforced and how to create a more immersive "interactive fiction experience". Most avenues I explored came up fruitless.

However, then I came across something about indy "RPGs" existing within secondlife. This made me quirk a brow. What I found was pretty surprising. From what I can see, secondlife could be the dikumud. In that secondlife as a platform and scripting language has given rise to numerous "graphical" roleplaying enforced games. Now, don't get me wrong, most of them are just glorified mushes, the code sucks. But…There is certainly potential.

As far as I can the rest of secondlife is still a giant OOC online sex chat room with graphic props, but whatever, it's the platform that has potential. : P

The cool thing is, with Linden dollar currency exchange, you could host your own game there and potentially make money. I'm pretty pumped to see what happens. Heh, you might even want to keep a look out for my game :).

Update: If you jump into SL and are looking for an RPI - check out Midian City. Seems pretty c00l so far.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

c00lest fight evar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K06wDn3XsZE

Saturday, July 07, 2007

I hate children.

I hate children.

Well, not really. But I hate children on Xbox-live. I especially hate them when they're killing my ass at Gears of War and squealing at ear shattering decibels with the high pitch voices and glitching all over the map.

So does everyone else it would seem. I've noticed that kids are more often then not greeted with a series of insults at the joining of a game, (once they are revealed by their cartoon character voice-overs) and normally in a language not suitable for kids.

I would imagine this stems from the frustration of getting sk00led day in and day out by little midgets who have nothing to do but play xbox-live all day and learn all of the possible glitches. Thus becoming uber soldiers and making the game all but unplayable for normal people.

My verdict is that xbox live needs an age filter. The last thing I want to do is have some 10 year old listening to me shouting "you dirty fucking chainsaw whore!" after a n00b saws me. I mean, I feel bad. Not bad enough to watch the language, but bad.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Summer Blockbuster Rundown

Since moving to california, my life consists of work, riding my bike, playing with my dogs, play GOW and seeing movies. I have no fucking life.

Since I am a man of exquisite taste and refinement, I've decided to give you the break down of movies I have seen so that you can avoid them if need be.

Fuck stars. I roll with "verdicts". Verdicts can be: See it. Skip it. Wait for the DVD. As I see movies, I will post:

Spiderman 3 - This is one of those movies that could have been good. Like a very hot girl who just lays there in bed, it has a lot of potential but doesn't live up to expectations. Verdict: Wait for the DVD.

Pirates - As much as you think you are going to hate this movie when you get to the theatre, you just can't. It's every bit as good as the first and generally the best blockbuster of the summer. Contrary to what people said at first, it's not too long and the plot is not overly complicated if you aren't a complete moron. It has a few loose ends that don't tie off well, but it is a very entertaining movie and certainly worth the 10 bucks. Verdict: See it.

Shrek 3 - Sarah made me see this. To be fair, I really liked that first 2 shrek movies. They were really funny with enough adult humor and inuendo packed to keep me entertained. Shrek 3 however, blows. I think the pay checks of the 4 leads must have been too high and they cut production values on everything else. Doesn't hold a candle to the first two. It's like getting wasted and drunk dialing the pretty girl booty call you haven't seen a while, but remember the booty calls as being astounding. Then when they show up you realize they've grown a mustache, have a plastic detachable penis and are now named Ted. I realize some of you may be into that kind of thing, but you still won't like Shrek 3. Verdict: Skip it.

Knocked Up: This movie is REALLY FUNNY. You will like it. If you don't, you are satan. Go see it. Verdict: See it.

Friday, April 27, 2007

A letter from Traith

Traith is the name of the head admin at SOI an RPI Mud. While I don't like playing there very much (not big on tolkien) I do like observing SOI because it allows me to draw paralells between it and the Armageddon community. This letter I thought was interesting because it echoed alot of the my feelings about Arm right now:



Hello folks,

I had a very fruitful discussion this evening with Japheth, our current Head of Mordor, regarding the state of the game and its community, and the direction of both.

As a result of this discussion and of some thoughts and observations that have occurred to me since my return a couple months ago, I have decided that we will be adjusting our current course in a number of significant areas. I wanted to share with everyone a brief overview of what will be coming.


I. Organizational Changes:

Recently, Shadows of Isildur underwent its first major change of leadership structure since I retired from active duty in mid-2005 as the game's head. While a bifurcated model, featuring two co-equal head admins, does have its virtues, there are a number of areas in which it is lacking for the practical oversight of such a large community.

After some deliberation I have decided to resume my role as the staff's active figurehead. My primary duty will be setting the game's overall direction, and ensuring that the head admins of each department are working together and within their own teams to effectively implement whatever policies and objects necessary to carry the game forward in a unified fashion and toward a set goal.

One fairly important organizational change that will be taking place is the recognition of our game's coders as their own separate department. They will function as a unified team, like the Mordor or Gondorian admins, working on specific tasks assigned to them by their team leader, Sighentist, which in turn will be derived based on what is needed to support the course I set for the game as a whole.

The new organizational chart will look something like this:

Implementor
|
/-----------------------------------------\
| | |
Gondor Lead Coding Lead Mordor Lead
/ | \
Gondor Team Coding Team Mordor Team

I will personally be responsible for oversight of the three teams and team leaders, ensuring that things are delegated appropriately, and that each of the three groups is integrated and on equal footing with the others.

Each team lead will be responsible for ascertaining their team's role in supporting the directives set by myself, and then assigning specific tasks to their team members that they deem necessary to implement their role in the overall picture.

And finally, each team member will be responsible for completing the tasks set to them by their team leaders, and ensuring that these tasks are completed in a timely manner and adhere to a set of standards appropriate for Shadows of Isildur.

I have updated the staff roster to reflect these structural changes and our latest staff additions.

I feel I should also mention that as of this time I have gathered input on the subject of our next Gondorian head administrator, and that I will be making the selection soon to fill that vacancy - within the next few days, to be exact.


II. A Philosophical "Re-Adjustment:"

In addition to the reorganization of the staff roster, I hope to reorganize the mentality of our community here, staff and player alike.

One of the sure signs of a maturing game is an "us vs. them" mentality when it comes to players and staff. I suspect that this is a corollary to the old saying that "familiarity breeds contempt."

In the coming months there will be a large focus on re-orienting the staff to ensure that service to the playerbase is of paramount concern. Likewise, there will be a renewed focus on positive and thoughtful dialogue from the player community - players and staff are partners here in the creation of something unique and great, and bitterness and acridity will have no place.

Finally, our coders will focus on is the expansion of player possibilities, rather than their restriction. In other words: realism and game balance will be promoted by adding new and interesting features, rather than limiting or "nerfing" current code, or by implementing unduly punishing code in the name of authenticity.


III. On the Aftermath of the Fall of Osgiliath - a New Direction:

It has been a common observation that since the Fall, Shadows of Isildur has been a bit like a cart without a driver. We lack the direction that carried us through the first few years of the game's existence with an enjoyable momentum, and at the moment it feels as if we are simply "going through the motions" - each particular faction and sub-group doing its own thing, with a lack of any sort of cohesion or feeling that we are participating in the buildup to any significant events.

This will also be changing. A few of the senior staff and I are currently in discussion regarding SoI's next prominent "story arc." Suffice to say that it will be epic, and that it will certainly be as significant to Arda's chronology as the Fall was.

What's more - it will see the introduction of a third playable faction, which will provide us with a lot of fantastic opportunities that we've not yet had before.

At the current time we are fleshing out a proposal to present to the rest of the staff; once we have gathered enough feedback on our plan we will present it to the playerbase at large, including a timeline for its implementation.

I firmly believe that this new plot direction will keep Shadows of Isildur active and moving forward with momentum for real-life years to come. We will again have a distinct course and direction to build along, as we did for the first few years of the game's life in preparation for Osgiliath's fall.

Unlike the Fall, however, this particular story arc will be by no means pre-written or closed-ended. For the first time in our game's history, the actions of the playerbase will have a very real and a very quantifiable effect on the outcome of this epic section of Tolkien's chronology.


Stay tuned for further details on these developments. As always, feedback and discussion are welcomed, and you can always shoot me an email ( traithe@middle-earth.us) if there is a concern you would like me to hear privately.

Thanks for spending the time to read, and enjoy.

RP and Thought Policing

A post from armageddonmud's boards. Placed here as emphasis and for any and all to read on my thoughts on administrative problems I've observed or heard of on multiple RPI MMOS:

As many have noticed, of late, there has been a fairly massive influx of mages, nilaz, psis, and sorcs in recent days. Poweful PCs that elicit powerful emotions from the PC base. The general consensus is that this has a two-fold cause. Firstly caused by a sudden rush of special apps to allow people to play roles they might not get to play in the new game. And secondly caused by a general new lax attitude toward the normal documented prejudices of PC’s toward one another. Depending on who ask of course.

While I believe both areas are likely at fault, the problem is of course a valid one. I have played this game for a long time, and it is only in the last 6mo or so that I have felt, learned, been touched by every hidden supernatural force arm has to offer. This leaves me with a feeling of “dear me, what is happening?”. This isn’t the point of my post. I’m less interested in the cause as I am the effect.

The effect is one I’ve witnessed on Arm before. It’s a fairly common part our social glue. I’ve seen a player base and (likely some staff) begin to take a stance of finger pointing at other players and ridiculous levels prejudice applied to anything that seems slightly “out of the norm”. It’s a common pattern here, as I’ll evidence in a moment.

It has specific feel: Were you nice to the half-elf? OMG you’re a twink. Got a mage buddy? OMG you’re a twink. Didn’t emote before you stole from me? OMG you’re a twink. Halfling left the gray forest? OMG you’re a twink. Killed a prominent PC? OMG you’re a twink. Stray from the norm? OMG you’re a twink.

The recent rash of it can be attributed to the increased level of occurrence. I am sure at least some of these “fringe relationships” are completely IC and kosher. A good deal of them likely are not. However, all of us will suffer accordingly. Our reactions are both inline and out of line. And likely, the issue is not special apps, or ooc canoodling, but rather something else that I will (again) get to in a moment.

But first lets take a short stroll to armageddonmud’s not so distance past. I have observed this sort of outcry and “static” build up in the staff and player base before. It was in the days prior “the great Morgenes code spree” and it had to do with sneaky characters, who would steal and hide.
Before the days of watch, hemote and semote, everyone who stole or was stolen from labeled a twink for the way they behaved, depending on which side of the action you were on.

If you didn’t emote when you stole you were a twink. If you did emote when you stole and the person you were stealing from automatically blamed you for stealing they were twink. If you hid in a tavern, you were a twink. If you scanned in a tavern, to someone, somewhere, you were a twink. Everyone involved with subterfuge was twink. It was fairly ridiculous to read the boards back then. And to be fair, some of it was twinky, but which aspect was very subjective, and there was little agreement on the subject to be found.

It was about as ridiculous as things are now with our “I hate mages” threads. Anyone who has a friend or a comrade that is mildly out of the arm norm being labeled as a twink and ooc powergamer friends with mages and benders for their OOC benefits. Lots of finger pointing with little observation outside a cursory glance of the actual players involved before judgement is placed. It reminds of a time when I recall huge page long debates on the GDB about whether or not the “city hide” skill was blending into the crowd or hiding under a tavern table.

In retrospect that sort of debate seems ridiculous. We have semote and hemote to convey hidden or subtle actions, so you cannot reasonably expect a steal emote. Hide has a message attached to it that *clearly* indicates that you are blending into the crowd, not hiding under a half-giant’s skirt. And other echos that further delineate city hide from outdoor hide. Mature code at the hands of skilled and creative implementers with foresight and drive was our redeemer. (As is the case in the real world as well : ) )

So now we have a different debate? We again have often times fuzzily documented standards that are being broken and no one really knows what the standards are. We have a vague feeling that we should all fear and hate magickers, that magickers should fear and hate nilazis that everyone should fear and hate defilers and psionists but we have no idea where the grey area lies. When is it cool? It is ever cool?

Before the coders handle it, Armageddon’s general solution to any of these issues is that the staff’s needs to “get involved” and provided guidance to players in their roleplay or to punish behavior that is viewed as wrong.

My general feelings is that is this the fundamental flaw of Armageddonmud as a game. Many of you will disagree with this, likely many of you will flame me for having the “audacity” to post this, but I believe that staff involvement as a correcting element to the role play of players is flawed approach to the problem. It not only invites bitterness from players who feel ICly justified in their actions, it also misses the *real* problem characters who are usually less visible to the staff. Rather leadership PCs are punished for creating strong organizations and then implementing plot lines that they feel are IC, exciting and interesting.

In addition on a more micro level it puts the kabosh on creative character concepts, invites a culture of “Us vs Them” between player and staff, and probably most importantly, it generally doesn’t scale to facilitate a larger player base at all, and will never. We will never have enough staff to solve the problem, and it will always be a subjective problem that to some doesn’t need solving.

Here is statement for you to consider as players and staff:

Armageddon’s mud fundamental flaw that keeps it from reaching any sort of true potential as an MMO is that we attempt to enforce role-play standards through the practice of thought-policing and player brain eating, rather then through creative coded measures that highlight and enforce correct rp.

Boom. I said it. Wow that was a lot of lead up.

I will again site the great “steal dilemma” of our past as evidence of such. And please, know that this isn’t a “blame” it is merely an observation. It is infinitely easier to add documentation outlining how to RP a specific situation, then it is to code creative and physical rules enforcing it. In some cases the later is impossible. (well, probably not impossible.).

All this being said, allow me to color my statement with a few example.

* Elementalists should hate Nilaz

* Elves should not ride mounts.

Both of these are well-known documented facts of Arm. And we as an RP community, (I’d go as far as to say a society of sorts) have accepted and embraced one fully, whereas the other is a bit fuzzy and given room for interpretation. Yet, you will find the staff is quick to enforce either via animating the world in reaction, and the player base is quick to condemn any and all infringers.

But I say this? Why not learn a lesson from Morg’s fix of hide and sneak and add coded penalties to these things? Rather the require players to read the documentation, what if the game told me what I was doing is wrong?

For example an elf riding a kank:

Code:


> hitch kank

You feel a forceful tear at your pride as you step closer to ~kank.

> mount kank

Frowning with disgust you climb onto ~kank.

> e

You attempt to go east, but ~kank doesn’t move.




In this case the idea that elves do not ride kanks is enforced by two coded items. 1) The elf’s ride skill (if it exists) is set to -50000 : ). 2) The player is given code echos letting him know how his elf should feel about this kank.

Another instance would be the juxtaposition of nilaz against other elements. I would say very little of it understood by the player base and that the documentation for this is severely lacking. You will find like our hide issue of yore, player opinions flare on the matter, yet staff position is resolute.

So why is there so much confusion? Well, simply because there’s no way for PCs to know what happening unless a staff member intervenes, which will unfortunately not happen quite so often enough to control a karmaless society.

So? What if we again got creative? What if when a elemental was in the same room for a Nilaz for too long, the infection of nilaz began to make their magick impotent? Or perhaps it could drain the mana of non-nilaz, granting the nilaz with vampire like ability? I’m suggesting this as code, but imagine how many people would have trouble understanding the relationship of nilaz and other elements if there was simple coded phenomena such as:

Code:


100/100 100/100 100/100> l pete

Pete has brown hair, and wears a gem.

100/100 100/100 100/100> tell pete Hey bud, whats up. You’re my nilazi buddy.

You say to pete: “Hey bud, whats up. You’re my nilazi buddy.”

100/100 100/100 100/100>

Pete says to you: “ You know it. You’re my whiran buddy!”

100/100 100/100 100/100>

You feel a stab of sudden pain. Your head swirls with dizziness as a drowning feeling of nothingness over comes you!

(Pete is inadvertently draining his whiran buddies mana just by being near him!)

100/100 100/100 90/100> say What the?

You say: “What the?”

You feel a stab of sudden pain. Your head swirls with dizziness as a drowning feeling of nothingness over comes you!

Pete says to you “What’s wrong?!?!”

Pete touches your arm.

You feel an incredible stab of sudden pain! Your head swirls with dizziness as a drowning feeling of nothingness over comes you!

100/100 100/100 70/100> tell pete Get away from me!!!





So on and so forth.


These examples are just two instances, and this post is not really about code. In fact I’d go as far as to say this post is not about code ideas at all. It is about our fundamental philosophies and approach to administration of our world. It is a call to change our thinking about how we administer the idea of a roleplay enforced world and mature it to a level that allows it to continue to grow.

But those are the last lingering thoughts on Arm from a player who has seen a great deal of it from a multitude of angles and has many times seem the same debates over, and over and over again. I’ve watched players feel bullied by imms, and watched imms feel rejected and betrayed by players. I don’t blame either or take sides, I think both are equally at fault and not at fault. I think our general problem here is our approach.

One might say there are not enough coders to enforce all of our rules. To which I will agree and reply “open the source” and there will be. I hope if you do take some time to flame me you’ll take a moment to digest this for a bit first. 
_________________

Thursday, April 26, 2007

The funniest thing I've ever seen.


I don't know why makes me laugh so hard. I think it makes me a bad person.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Video games don't kill people, people kill people.

Why is it every time there is any act of school/teen/young adult violence, teen desensitization at the hands of violent video games is blamed?

http://www.itnews.com.au/newsstory.aspx?CIaNID=50144&r=hstory

Now first and foremost take my anger with a grain of salt, I’m a little ticked off right now and I feel very strongly about Americas desire to blame and mislabel everything anything in any time of crisis whenever there isn't a 3rd word nation immediately available to demonize.

I mean, isn't the fact that we live in a world where these things actually occur, bad enough? Do we really need to pile on a heaping helping of irrational idiocy and random commentary from so called expert who are really just searching for that extra publicity to plug their latest self help book?

Why is it when a 45 year old white collar, middle-manager goes berserk and blows the crap out of his office-mates it's the "stress and pressure of modern living", but if a young person (it this case a young man, yes if you are in college you are over 18 you are *a man*) does it, it's the fault of Grand Theft Auto?

Is it because young minds are incapable of anger and angst and emotional torment without the infective warping of violent video games? I mean are we seriously as a nation stupid enough to digest that? It is exactly this kind of trivializing of youth problems, issues and anxiety that causes this shit. Not the video games.

So allow me to break this down for everyone for the umpteenth time.

***Parents: It is not your kid’s video games that fucks them up. It's the world they live in that fucks them up. And when the world they live in fucks them up, as it inevitably will through bullies, lost love, awkwardness and the general pain of adolesence, at times you kids will have inability to cope and deal with things. This isn't because there is somethign wrong with them. It is only because they lack the facilities and life experience to deal with the emotional stress the adult life deals out. Things that seem trivial to one hardened by 45 years on planet earth are TREMENDOUS through the eyes of a 15 year old. This is where you come in. You provide love, and guidance and support and you help them through it. When you don't, it builds, it festers. Some kids learn to cope on their own, some kids shoot up schools. It's the world we live in and grand theft auto has nothing to do with it.

Your kids are not more dangerous because they see and know things that you perceive as knowledge you didn't when you were their age. You had information you parents didn't have, thats the information age. Welcome to it. It does more good then harm.

You kids are no more dangerous because they know what a "gat" is. They are not more dangerous because they have killed 14 virtual cartoon characters in the made up world of liberty city.

Your kids are more dangerous because *you* do not see and know things about them and their lives and the trial and tribulations that seem small to you and I but are huge to them. These are the very things they need your guidance with. They need you to be there, to support them, and to teach them to understand, cope and be well rounded good people. When Sam the bully makes a mockery of them, when their girl leaves them for a guy with a tattoo, when they don't make the team, get the grade, get the part. You need to be there.

As for the rest of Middled Aged America. Don't fucking blame Grand Theft Auto you monkey dicks. Hundreds of kids play Grand Theft Auto every day and realize that it's a cartoon exercise is rediculousness. And to them it's no more harmful then when your parents told you not to watch bugs bunny because they thought you were going to drop an anvil on your sisters head.

Did you drop an anvil on your sisters head? I'm pretty sure the majority of you did not. Some of may have. Maybe your offspring are the ones shooting up schools. But should we ban bugs bunny? Probably not. We may want to start wiping out gene pools, but I personally like bugs bunny. (just kidding........about the gene pools, not bugs bunny). Maybe that is the solution though. What we do is we take a bunch of kids at birth put them in a room with running bugs bunny cartoons and an anvil on a shelf. The kids that push the anvil off the shelf onto any other kids get fed to the sharks. Problem solved.


Alright seriously though, America, what is even more mind boggling to me is why any one even allows anything Doctor Phil fucking utters out of his blabbering chicken-neck to trickle into the mainstream media and touch any other mind but his own.

Where is Republican Censorship when you need it?! We want to shut down video games to protect children from potentially warping images but we're okay with letting the incoherent and irrational spantering (yes I made that word up) of Doctor Phil scream out across the airways into the world conscious.


As a last point: (Listen up. Listen good)

Video games don't kill people....Dr. Fucking Phil kills people.

Technorati is a gigantic piece of crap

Has anyone tried their "authority" indicator? What a joke.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

My Dog Eats Poo, but not Orange Peels

w00t?

My dog shadow is a rescue. She was a bait dog at a pit fighting ring and was generally abused, starved and mistreated most of her childhood. She is almost fully recovered now and is an amazing dog (I heart her) but she has some personality quirks.

...like eating poo... ew...

Essentially, after being left hungry for so long (the vet says her teeth were messed up from chewing on rocks, a starvation behavior :( ) she some trigger in her head which makes her scavenge anything and everything she can scavenge.

Sarah and I have her to the point now where she won't eat something if we tell her not to eat it, ("No, no. Don't eat that" ) but if we don't tell her before it's in her mouth, it's gone. Some favorite snacks in the past have been: Lumps of other dog's shit, bones, garbage and once...a whole dead mouse (ewwwww).

So today were walking, and something caught my attention and all of a sudden I hear:

"Mmm yumm chomp hmmm gobble"

I turn and shadow is digging into a some giant dog's mountain of shit! I'm like "No,no! Don't eat that!" and she looks up at me after I give a tug on the leash and lets it go. Grossed out, I look at her and say "You my friend are gross."

So then we are bopping along on the leash and I see something catch her eye again and before I can tell her no she sniffs it and turns up her nose without interest deciding she didn't want to eat it. I look closely and it's an orange peel.

All I want to know is what warped portion of evolution tells a dog that it's good to eat feces but orange peels are off the menu.

God is warped.

Do not disrespect the hot sauce

I've been on a hot sauce spree of late. I use a lot of it on chilli for pretty much the entire week. I've acclimated somewhat I believe to the effects and as a result I'm using like a quarter of a bottle of some pretty potent stuff. Maybe I'm a masocist, I don't know, but it's not hot enough if I'm not sweating profusely by the time the meal is done.

However, while my mouth may have acclimated, other parts of me certainly have not. Three days later I'm in some serious pain. My ass feels like I've been dating a guy named Spike at Fulson Prison all week. Ouch.

The moral of the story is, you may love hot sauce, you may think you can eat lots of it, you may eat lots of it and get away with it that day, but don't disrespect the hot sauce, because it has other ways of evening the score.

I'm sorry hot sauce. I'm sorry.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Can Gears Get Any Cooler?

OMG! The new patch for GOW is bad ass. They made the assault rifle (it has some other corny name I cannot recall) uber strong and tapered back the shot gun.

End result: Better gun fights and less 10 year olds running around smashing you with the shot gun.

Better End Result: Out of a bitter anger toward the games lack of translation into the online environment I forced myself to use the machine gun whenever possible and forwent the shotgun as my weapon of choice. My fortitude and patience has paid off. Woe be to my enemies!!!!

Yeehaw!

Monday, March 19, 2007

Thor puffs blunts

http://kukka.siilo.fi/~holist/kuvat/thor.gif

The artistic value of such a piece cannot be measured in mere words.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Oh. Woe be to the people that were waiting online to see this movie when I was coming out of it. Okay, so I'm past hating on the 300, but the fact is that I think it sucked. Yes, there were cool graphics. Yes, the fight scenes are pretty awesome slow mo coolness.

But seriously, if you have seen the trailer you have already seen every cool part of this entire film. You are paying $12.50 you are simply giving the theatre your money to a longer strung out version that is much less impressive. Save your self the time, watch the trailer, then catch some Discovery channel this week that covers the battle.

Not only that, but the acting is painful, Sarah and I were just laughing at the lameness. Some of the actors namely Gerard Butler (King Leonidas) and a few other can act, but litterally every time David Wenham (Dilios) or Rodrigo Santoro (Xerxes) open their mouths I was ready to giggle.

All in all, I think it's worth seeing, but don't go expecting Brave heart.

On a side note Gerard Butler should be the next James Bond.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Better sleep?

I'm generally on a never ending quest to learn how to not feel like a ball of cat turds into the morning:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/05/how-to-become-an-early-riser/

This link seems like a reasonable strategy and probably better then the drug based methods I've currently used unsuccessfully.

2007 lessons

Lesson 3:
No matter how good you think you feel when you wake up at 5:30 because your dog is scratching the door, you still need coffee. Do not delude yourself into thinking that your walk through the brisk air has given you a new lease on life. When your body finally realizes in two hours what's happened and that there is no emergency, you will feel like a lump of shit.

Does the Internet Kill Thoughtfulness?

I was considering this today, as it is post Valentines day. Valentines day used to be something I had to remember. I would realize a few days before that it was coming, I would locate a florist, call them up, place an order for delivery, and smile knowing that I had taken the time to do something nice for someone I care about. In some cases I would have to call several florists and place several orders for several people I know.

That's all changed now. Now, I get an email 2-3 days prior reminding me to buy flowers. I go to the website where I've already placed a list of people their addresses, their preferences and my credit card details. I click a button, fill out a card and boom, all of them get flowers on Valentines day.

So am I less thoughtful, because the process has been reduced the state where the most thinking it requires is on the level of reacting to an outlook reminder? I'm not sure. It did take thought to set this all up to begin with, and I believe the people who get the flowers believe that I've been thoughtful, But what about as time drags on?

As this process continues will each subsequent Valentines day be reduced to a glance, a nod, and a button click? In a few years will X-Mas be treated in a similar way? Am I just a few years away from electronically placing an order for a piece of jewelry that is statistically selected based on popularity and my wife's online profile from a preferred jewler on my aniversary?

Good god, holidays and special occasions are supposed to mark moments that we are supposed to cherish and remember and here I've managed to water one down to a few spins of my processor.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

A higher authority

I could go into a long diatribe about how I feel that there is an almost metaphoric connection between free trade and the natural biological evolution of our ecosystem and that the most successful companies are those that emulate in their products and organizations the same patterns as successfully evolved species and how this is what sustains the human race and is in and of itself an entirely new human ecosystem that the power of human creativity (one of the only creatures with such creativity) is able to create and about how I have come to derive a new sense of morality and honor from insuring that the companies I help to run follow this pattern and (hopefully, if I'm not batshit crazy) become successful thus employing more people, create jobs, feeding families, putting people into college and generally helping to sustain and create a better and happier ecosystem for the humans whose lives I touch.

But I'll save that for when I'm old and gray and have more time to truly contemplate the metaphysical significant of these musings...

In the interim, I had to make a tough decision recently and someone who was criticizing the moral ground on which I made that decision said "I wouldn't do that, because I answer to a higher authority."

To which I replied, "You don't answer to a higher authority, you answer to their claimed representation." It ended badly, but I wanted it noted, because I'm vain and that was a cool line :).

Saturday, February 03, 2007

I am not funny.

I'm coming off a little crash diet (8 lbs down go me!) and I thought I'd give myself a little treat. So I made a deal with Sara to roll over to KFC because I really dig on potatoes wedges.

Potatoes wedges are 1 better then average french fries from one of these "lesser" fast food establishment. KFC potatoes wedges are a true masterpiece of flavor. I believe they are fried in whatever god awful goodness is used on their chicken. Never the less they a are succulent medley of salt, fat, starch, MSG and Mr. Sander’s original recipe (Note: I call him Mister because I believe the evidence supporting a military career to be dubious at best).

But alas… there were no wedges to be had! The conversion between me and the little metal box (from here on out referred to as LMB) went something like this:

Me: I’d like some potatoes goodness please.

LMB: What?

Me: Potato wedges please.

LMB: We’re out.

Me: What?

LMB: We don’t have any wedges we’re all out.

Me: You’re out of wedges! What?!

LMB: Sorry sir.

Me: What is this 1845!

LMB: Excuse me sir?

Me: You know, 1845, the potato famine.

LMB: [silence]

Me: Alright, can I have a coke?

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Real life spam

Below is a real-life spam bot ad, taken right off a bulliten board.

***********************************
Man walks in church and ask wimen to spell sekkzz and she says P E N I !!1 small and then they walk and bump and LOLZ www.viagro112234.com www.viagro112234.com www.viagro112234.com

***********************************

All I want to know is what GENIUS (no sarcasm) comes up with this? I read this, and totally fell for it.

Im curious...I'm going to click one of these links and see if I start to get spam comments. W00T?

Monday, January 22, 2007

Pan's Labyrinth

Definitely worth seeing.

How you know you've been coding too much - Reason 1

You start typing an email and you suddenly find yourself expecting the subject to intellisense autocomplete. You get confused and then realize how rediculous this is.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

IM quote of the day

[16:48] jmordetsky: fuck al gore and his fucking global warming.

[16:48] jmordetsky: he can suck my dick it's freezing in california. Why is it so fucking cold? I moved here for sun.

[16:48] jmordetsky: ball sack democrats.

It's been a while.

It's been a while but I've decided start posting lessons that are learned in 2007.


Lesson 1: Regardless of how good an idea it seems at the time, a bacon, egg and cheddar omlete is a poor start to your day.

Lesson 2: Insure you know the number of outstanding shares in a given company before you move to california with an share contract. Share are normally pretty relative to the number outstanding.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Dear me, the wrath of Sarah...

Once again my loving wife is very mad at me.

:runs for cover.

I am a bad husband. :)

Monday, December 11, 2006

File Extensions

Every so often, when I open a .doc file, I consider how amusing a .coc file extension would be.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Gears of War is the coolest thing I've discovered since recreational drug use.

Not quite up there with girls, but it beats drugs hands down.

In fact, we should give GOW to drug addicts everywhere to help them kick the habbit.

If I were a very rich man, I would have a copy of Gears Of War delivered to every meth/heroine clinic in the country. The way I see it, I could donate a million to a charitable organization and have it gobbled up by bureaucracy or I could just hook up with UPS and send some santa packages around the world.

Noble prize material.

Monday, November 20, 2006

The ranting has ended...

Which is no fun. Because only five minutes have passed since my last post. I wish I would have posted at it's start. Unfortunately I was playing gears of war at the time. (which is totally awesome btw).

It should however be noted, that had I not left to walk the dogs, in all likelyhood, the meaningless, meandering string of beratement would have continued.

I love gears of war.

Sarah has been ranting for approximately 45 minutes now.

I just thought I'd share.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Tears Character Inked and Shaded

Once again, Lee has made me say "holy shit". I could not have hoped for better, and I'm told it's not even 100% done.

The size is skewed a bit here so click it to open it up to full size. For more of Lee's work see: http://www.shawawa.com


Sunday, November 12, 2006

Stranger Then Fiction

Sick Movie. Really, Really good.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Babel is just painful

I'm all for a good drama, but Babel is just painful. This movie is basically just a collective ball of unhappiness you will be forced to sit through for three hours. Yes, the acting is grade A, the content is very powerful, but honestly...It is one of those movies you will be sorry you went to see.

I just wanted it to end about 30 minutes in....and all I kept saying was "Why didn't I go see the Will Farrel movie. Why didn't I go see the Will Farrel movie."

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

DIE CMD.EXE. DIE.

I hate CMD EXE. But I found an alternative.

joemordetsky: Deliver us from CMD.exe

Read all about it.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Google Docs licks nutz.

Yea, yea. It's really cool to be able to share docs and spreadsheets online.....if the word processor or spreadsheet interface didn't eat donkey ass.

But seriously could the interface or the workflow to share be any clunkier? For fucks sake. For the time it takes me to do something reasonable in that piece of shit text editor I could have shared the file via email like 7 times.

Web portals aren't the solution for office products. P2P is.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Character Sketch